


All for Him

by potterhead_fic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29623521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potterhead_fic/pseuds/potterhead_fic
Summary: A bisexual werewolf with a lot of baggage and the sweet and energetic metamorphmagus witch. The real and detailed love story between Remus and Tonks. Only from Tonks' p.o.v. Based on the books by J.K. Rowling and very close to canon. This story includes Wolfstar.
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read I just have some things to clarify. Don't read this fanfic if you're expecting a beautiful, happy love story. This contains a lot of Angst. This is ment for fans who can ship Wolfstar and Remadora at the same time. Since Wolfstar is included, don't expect Remadora to be easy.  
> You might hate or get angry at Remus since everything is from Tonks' p.o.v. It would be difficult to get into Remus' head and justify his actions. Just keep in mind what he had been through with Sirius on his past.  
> I don't mean to say which ship is better. I'm simply telling the story the way I saw it. It was Rowling who treated them poorly. I'm just trying to fill the gasps she left on the books.  
> This is my headcanon and point of view. You're free to not agree. 
> 
> Also, I created a playlist on Spotify based on this fic. Be sure to check it out while you read or after. I don't know. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/15YvHoJ9BCOXMeLLi9v7Ke?si=2f633ZenQnCFj_Gunncrew
> 
> Anyway! I love you so much and I hope you enjoy this fanfic. 
> 
> @potterhead_fic

July 1993

The prospect of falling in love. Tonks never understood it. How fairy tales told her that everything was possible for true love. But Tonks didn't have to search in books to see a story like that. She knew one in real life, the one about her parents. How many times Tonks had heard how her mother gave up everything for love, how her father fought for her. 

The idea was there. Was it real? Tonks didn't know at that precise moment. But soon she would find out. 

* * *

The image was beautiful and at the same time painful for Tonks. That was the feeling her parents could bring to everyone. The long desire to have something like that. Real and pure love.

"No... No... Ted stop!" Andromeda shouted pretending to sound angry. But Tonks knew she was holding a smile. He was trying to grab her waist. Smiling.  
"Ah, come on... I know you like this song" Ted insisted "C'mon Dromeda. Dance with me..."  
"I'm busy"  
Tonks smiled holding the cup of tea on her hands. She adored when her father was in a good mood, which happened most of the time.  
"I just called..." Ted sang "C'mon..." he said "To say I love you..." he continued singing to the tune.  
'I just called to say how much I care'  
Stevie Wonder.  
Tonks' father had the most amazing music taste. She was thankful she had learned it from him.  
"I just called to say I love you..." Ted sang while grabbing his wife from her waist, her laughing as he did so.  
"And I mean it from the bottom of my heart" Tonks finished singing under her breath. She sighed taking a sip of tea.  
Her parents were now dancing along the kitchen. Both smiling like fools.  
"Aaaarggg!!" Tonks grabbed her belly in pain.  
"What is it Dora?" Andromeda asked worried. They had stopped dancing.  
"Nothing" Tonks answered casually "I just think I got diabetes because of you"  
"Very funny" Ted smiled  
"Honestly is not normal for parents to behave like that" Tonks continued "Why don't you hate each other like normal parents. You should be divorced by now or be hella boring"  
"Just be thankful we are cool Dora" Andromeda said a bit embarrassed.  
"Now...you behave like a normal creepy mom" Tonks said smiling.  
Ted laughed at that. They were silent after that. Ted went to change the record. Andromeda took a seat eyeing that morning's Daily Phophet. 

Tonks was thinking how boring would it be to go to work today. They didn't send her on cool missions yet. Only do boring things like be guardian of important wizards or organize files. Moody had said that she needed to try and not be too clumplsy. She was waiting to finally classify as an auror. 

Suddenly her mother gasped, dropping her cup of tea to the floor. Tonks jumped. Ted came running. Andromeda certainly looked pale.  
"What happened Dromeda?" Ted asked worried.  
"Si... Sirius... He escaped..." her mother cried covering her face with her hands. Tonks looked how her father sighed.  
"Who is Sirius?" Tonks asked "Scaped from where?"  
Tonks' parents exchanged looks.  
Andromeda swallowed her tears and straighten up. Her posture was always impeccable.  
"We need to talk Dora" she said grabbing her hand.

28th June 1995:

Tonks' mother was never open about her family. Tonks knew that the Black's were pureblood supremacists and that they didn't approve Andromeda marrying a muggleborn. Nasty people. Tonks was fine, the little she knew about them was enough. She didn't want to be related with people like that anyways. 

But Sirius was different. For the last two years, Tonks had learned everything or at least what she believed was everything about Sirius Black. The previous years Sirius was never mentioned, now Andromeda couldn't stop talking about him. How he was her favorite cousin and that Andromeda should've known he was innocent all along. Poor bloke. Sounded horrible spending so many years in Azkaban being totally innocent. 

Tonks was excited to had been included in the Order. It might had been for the fact that Andromeda was her mother. She was related to Grimmaund Place's rightful owner, Sirius. Tonks wanted to believe she had been chosen for her talents. But Sirius wasn't the only one interesting in the so called Order of Phoenix. According to Moody, those witches and wizards had a lot of experience. Most of them from the previous war. But perhaps the most interesting one was the werewolf. Those were fascinating creatures.

"Yes. He is a werewolf. But please don't talk about that in front of him" Moody had recommended "Actually don't talk to him at all"  
"What? Do you think I'm gonna say something stupid?"  
"We are in the Order to fight You Know Who and Death eaters" Moody responded rather angry "We are not in to make new mates, Nymphadora"  
"Don't call me that!" Tonks' hair was turning bright red. Sometimes it was controlled by her feelings.  
Then, she smiled "I missed you last year Mad Eye. I don't need any friends if I had you"  
Tonks winked. She loved teasing Moody. He started to get uncomfortable.  
"Enough of that!"  
Tonks had laughed. 

* * *

Back in the present, Tonks was very nervous. She had to accompanied her mother and father to Grimmaund Place. They were going to search what was in the place first, Andromeda and Sirius as Blacks had the right to check it. See if the place could be properly used for the Order's quarters. Moody was coming along "For supervision" as he always called it. It was also the first time, Tonks would meet Sirius. Actually second, according to her mother, she had met him when she was one year old. But that didn't count. 

They apparated in the London street. In front of the house. Tonks was carrying non alcoholic butterbeer in hand. It was a habbit of hers. Sugar calmed her down. She needed to be eating or drinking something sweet when she was nervous. It was her thing.  
"Dumbledore said it might have defensive spells against...you know..." Moody coughed.  
"Mudbloods?" Ted asked amused.  
"I didn't mean that. I apologise" Moody said.  
"It's fine Moody" Ted smiled  
"Don't pay him attention dad. He is nervous. He had been kidnapped for a year" Tonks joked.  
"Dora!" her mother protested.  
"Insolent child" Moody murmured under his breath.  
Tonks laughed a bit. 

Suddenly they heard a CRACK, which made Tonks jumped. She turned around quickly to hit something solid. Actually someone. Butterbeer was now spilled all over him.  
"Bloody hell! I'm so sorry! Shit!! I am so stupid" Tonks began talking real fast. Trying to clean the stranger's robes with her wand.  
"It's fine" he said "Don't worry, it's fine. I hated these robes anyway" he laughed. 

Tonks finally looked at him. The impressive thing about this man was not his looks, or the scars across his face, not even his young face with old appearence, but his eyes. Brownish green eyes that gave Tonks a sense of calm.  
"Sorry" she repeated. The man smiled politely. 

"Is this the way we are going to be welcomed?"  
Tonks saw the owner of the voice. A handsome, very handsome man with long black hair and grey eyes. Sirius. He had the same facial characteristics of her mother. Iconic of the Black Family. But he looked tired, troubled and sad, eventhough he had a smile across his face.  
"Sirius!" Andromeda moaned and ran to hug him.  
"Andy!" he said "Long time no see"  
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I should've known. I should've done something" Andromeda apologized on Sirius shoulder.  
"It's okay" he simply said.  
"Nice to see you mates" Ted offered both his hand. They took it.  
"Ted. How are you?" Sirius said.  
"And this is my daughter Nymph...."  
"Please mom! I told you to call me Tonks!"  
"You're little Nymphadora?" Sirius asked amused  
"Tonks"  
"I met you when you were a baby"  
Tonks couldn't avoid but blushing.  
"This is my... eh... friend Remus Lupin" Sirius gestured to the man next to him.  
"Yeah I remember..." Andromeda began, but Tonks was no longer paying attention.  
"You're the werewolf?"  
That took Remus off guard.  
"Here we go..." Ted and Moody whispered at the same time.  
"Dora!..." 

Shit. Tonks didn't think before speaking. It happened all the time. Saying stupid things at stupid times. Tonks looked at Sirius who looked kind of angry, but Remus actually looked between amused and embarrassed.  
"Oh shit! I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean it like that" and there she was again, talking fast. Like an idiot "I think it is actually cool. I think is great! Actually me and my friend Charlie did this impressive research about werewolves and the cares and rights they need and deserve for our DADA exam on thrid year. It was wicked! Because they truly deserve better, you know? And... I should stop talking..." Tonks but her lip embarrassed.  
Remus had an unreadable expression but finally he smiled.  
"You did?" he asked "I would love to see that research"  
"Yeah I can show you anytime"  
"Good"  
Remus was smiling and Tonks thought it was polite to smile back.  
"Enough of the cute introduction" Moody said annoyed "Let's go inside, shall we?"  
They all did.

* * *

The place was even creepier than Tonks imagined. The silence echoed through the halls. They all shivered from the cold the place emanated. They all looked at Ted expecting something to happen. He was the only muggleborn on the group. Nothing happened luckily.

As they stepped in, they heard an unbearable sound. A woman screamed.  
"WHAT IS THIS OUTRAGE! FILTHY MUDBLOODS AND BLOODTRAITORS STEPPING INTO MY HOME UNANNOUNCED. I SHALL SUFFER IN MY GRAVE..."  
They all covered their ears. Tonks saw how Sirius stiffened going very very pale.  
"SILENCIO!" Remus shouted pointing his wand at the portrait. Tonks could see she was a very pretty witch but with evil eyes of hatred.  
"Bloody hell!" Ted protested "What was that?"  
"I forgot how much auntie Walburga shouted" Andromeda joked expecting to lighten the mood. But Sirius continued to be static.  
"My dear mother..." he whispered.  
Sirius didn't sound like he liked his mother. Tonks didn't blame him.  
They all heard a sound coming from upstairs.  
"There is someone else here" Moody stepped inside, wand at the ready.  
"It must be the elf. Kreacher" Sirius said looking at the floor without blinking.  
Remus touched Sirius arm gently. He seemed worried.  
"Sirius... You don't have to do this..." he whispered.  
Sirius finally tried to fake an smile, looking at his friend "I'm fine Rem. Let's go inside"  
Sirius started walking. Remus surely after. Tonks saw her mother grabbing her father's arm tightly.  
"Too many memories here Ted" she whispered as they got inside.  
Tonks was still looking at the silent portrait of Walburga. She was still screaming furiously. So this was Andromeda's aunt. So Tonks was related to her. She wondered what kind of mother she had been for Sirius. And Tonks was glad she never met her.  
"Dora!" her mother called from inside.  
"Coming"  
Tonks sighed and she climbed inside, trying not to trip with anything.


	2. Chapter 2

4th July 1995:

"Knockturn Alley. They were three wizards suspiciously buying and selling illegal potions. We don't know who they are but they carry a Thesthal bone around their neck. It is their signature"  
Moody instructed Tonks. But she was very bored. She sighed nodding. Regular missions were so simple and boring compared with the excitement of fighting those bloody death eaters.  
"And don't forget the other business in two weeks"  
The other business were Order meetings. But nobody at the Ministry was supposed to know. Nobody knew or believed that You Know Who was back. Specially Cornelius Fudge.  
"5pm. And don't forget Molly invite us for dinner after"  
"I like Molly" Tonks simply said. She had years of experience with her. Ever since she became Charlie's best friend.  
Moody didn't answer.  
"Let's go" he said standing and grabbing his wand.  
"Can I ask you something Mad Eye?"  
He sighed "Do you have to?"  
Tonks smiled. Moody extended his hand. Tonks took his arm. They apparated on Diagon Alley and walked towards the darker alley.

"How did it happened?" she asked as she followed Moody's steps. "Remus transformation"  
Moody sighed.  
"Why don't you ask him yourself. Being so rush as you were the other day"  
"Very funny" Tonks blushed.

Moody stopped. Tonks did as well.  
"I don't like this place" Moody shivered looking around. Tonks knew he had had a hard time last year with everything that Crouch did to him.  
"We should wait here until they come out. They are usually placed here"  
Moody leaned on the wall.  
"I'm just curious" Tonks said leaning too.  
"Tonks"  
"Moody" Tonks smiled "I know you know"  
"He was five"  
"FIVE?" Tonks asked shocked  
"He was five" Moody repeated annoyed "And all I know is that the werewolf Greyback hated his father. He bit him"  
Greyback. Tonks had heard nasty and creepy things about that werewolf. It was for him that wizards hated those creatures. Not every one was like him. She was pretty sure Remus wasn't.  
"But how..."  
"There they are" Moody interrupted. 

Moody ran towards the blokes.  
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS" he shouted and one of them fell to the ground, stiffened. Many people gasped but watched eagerly the spectule.  
Moody dueled with the other man.  
Tonks had to duel with the woman. She was very young and very pretty. She winked as she threw Tonks various spells, she blocked them. Tonks was blushing, she didn't know why.  
"EXPERLIARMUS!" she shouted and she successfully disarmed the lady. She was smiling evily and Tonks just stared at her.  
"TONKS WATCH IT!"  
Tonks turned around to see the bloke blasting a curse at her. Tonks bend down just in time. She had good reflexes. Just giving the woman enough time to apparate away.  
"No!" Tonks shouted.  
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS" Moody petrified the other.  
"I'm sorry. It was my fault" Tonks cried approaching Moody. Tonks hated wow clumpsy, distracting and stupid she was.  
"No need. At least we have two" Moody answered looking down at them. Luckily he didn't sound angry. "It would be easy to interrogate them and find the bird"  
Tonks was rather sad.  
"Ho-honestly girl" Moody said embarrassed "You did an great job" he rubbed his neck looking away. Tonks smiled. She knew how difficult it was for Moody to complement someone.  
"Let's take them then back" he said clearing his throat.  
"Can we pass by Florean's first?" she smirked. Tonks needed an icecream. 

30th July 1995: 

The first Order meeting. Tonks was very excited. So excited, that she arrived early. The Weasleys, Remus and Sirius had been cleaning the place. Members of The Order had been helping now and then, when they were not busy.  
She was nervous as well, sucking a lolly. Sugar always helped.  
When she entered, Tonks could hear the whole familiar noise of the Weasley family. It made Grimmaund Place a happy one. She smiled to herself when Mrs. Black's yellings made Tonks jumped and knocked all the umbrellas and coats to the floor.  
"FILTHY BLOODTRAITOR, YOUR CONDITION IS AN ABOMINATION TO THE PURITY OF THE BLACK FAMILY. I KNEW NOTHING GOOD COULD COME OUT FROM YOUR MOTHER'S MARRIAGE WITH A MUDBLOOD..."  
"SILENCIO" a voice said "The spell only lasts hours I am afraid"  
It was Remus carrying a big box full of weird things.  
"Oh! Should I help you?" Tonks said. She waved her hand and fix the mess with the umbrellas.  
"You can carry that box" he looked at one on the floor.  
"Oh yes" Tonks smiled and grabbed it. She didn't tell Remus they could use the levitation spell. It would sound rude. Besides Tonks like doing things the muggle way. 

She followed Lupin to a very large room on the first floor. Many boxes were piled there.  
"We are placing everything unnecessary here" Remus said placing his box on the floor "Sirius said it was the summer room for guests. Can you believe it?"  
Tonks laughed "Rich people" she shook her head. She put the box next to the others.  
"I wanted to apologize" Tonks licked her lolly nervously.  
"What for?" Remus smiled  
"For being so excited about your condition. It must be horrible for you"  
Remus nodded politely "It's okay. I'm used to it"  
Tonks didn't answer. But she want to say it was not fair. 

"What's your condition?" Remus asked  
"What?"  
"The one that Mrs. Black said. Or her portrait"  
"Oh!" Tonks could see Remus was desperate to find people who could truly understand him "I don't know how she knows it. But I am a metamorphmagus"  
"Really?"  
It wasn't Remus who said that, but Sirius leaning on the door frame. Tonks could tell he had been crying. He didn't look so good, being sad.  
"Yeah I was born one"  
"Oh right" Remus said while Sirius went to stand next to him "Your cousin told us that Christmas Sirius, remember?"  
"Not quite" Sirius answered trying to place his thoughts.  
Remus patted his shoulder awkwardly.  
"It that why you have pink hair?"  
"Is the one I like the most" Tonks answered smiling.  
"Can I see?"  
"Sirius..."  
"Oh it's okay" Tonks said. She closed her eyes concentrating. She had to concentrate to transform willingly. Most of the time, her feelings controlled it. She changed to look like Sirius.  
"Bloody hell!" Both men screamed.  
"Hello I am Sirius Black" Tonks tried to imitate his voice as much as she could. She winked at them.  
They both laughed, Remus louder. It was odd watching him laugh, but nice.  
Tonks turned back. Very pleased with herself.  
"Yeah it is pretty cool I guess" she said embarrassed "I used to prank the teachers"  
"That is wicked!" Sirius said excited "Imagine that Moony. Imagine if we could've done that with Prongs and ..."  
Sirius stopped talking. His smile disappeared. Remus looked very sad as well. Shit, what's just happened?  
Remus faked an smile. "That's pretty cool Nymphadora"  
"Oh please" Tonks closed her eyes "Don't call me that. I hate my name"  
"Pinky?" Sirius asked  
"Tonks"  
"Okay Dora, perhaps" Remus suggested  
"That's how my parents call me" Tonks protested.  
"I like Dora" Remus smiled "What do you think Sirius?"  
"I'm gonna call her the Pinky One"  
"Thank you very much for respecting my wishes" Tonks rolled her eyes.  
"You're welcome Dora"  
"You're welcome Pinky"  
They both said at the same time. Smirking.  
"Here you are!" Ginny said from the door frame "Mom is going mental saying no one is helping her... Oh hi Tonks! I didn't know you were here"  
"Wotcher Ginny" Tonks winked at the girl.  
"Let's go and help Molly" Remus said.  
"Aarrg honestly this woman. I have done so much already!" Sirius complained.  
"Tell me about it" Ginny said.  
"Don't be a drama queen Sirius" Remus said smiling.  
"Honestly Sirius you act like it is your own house!" Tonks said sarcastically.  
"Shut up Pinky one" Sirius rolled his eyes.  
They follow Ginny to the kitchen. 

* * * 

Tonks saw many faces gathered in the living room. Many chairs were lined up for the reunion. Tonks had never seen so many people, from different ages, genders gathered around. 

They had had a brief reunion before to explain everyone what had happened at The Tournament. What did Harry experienced in the graveyard. Also Dumbledore explained Sirius' innocence to every exceptical face. But this time it was different. They were actually starting with the fight. 

She sat down beside Bill. He was the one she knew the best. 

"Hey" Tonks smiled  
"Tonks" Bill smiled back. He was sitting beside a beautiful blond girl. She was so beautiful and she was...  
"Fleur Delacour!" Tonks screamed making many people look at them.  
" 'Allo" she said politely  
"Fleur this is Nymphadora Tonks. She is an auror and my brother's best friend"  
"But please call me Tonks"  
"Tonks" Fleur said in her cute french accent. Tonks smiled.  
"She is Beauxbatons champion" Tonks whispered excited.  
"I know" he whispered back  
"Are you dating her?"  
Bill blushed abruptly.  
"I'm just teaching her English. She is working at Gringotts"  
"Right" Tonks smiled. It was funny. She had a crush on Bill when she was a teen. She had assured Charlie she will marry her brother one day. She got over him eventually. Bill never payed her attention.  
"Charlie is not coming?"  
"Nah. He is in Rumania. Dumbledore said I should tell him everything that we discuss here. He will try to obtain forgein help"  
"Oh boomer. Alright" Tonks expected to see Charlie here. She missed her best friend. 

Tonks looked around. Everyone were chatting in groups, greeting each other. She could recognize Kingsley, Hagrid, The Weasleys and Remus and Sirius of course. She could see Fred's or was it George's head (she could never identify them) picking through the door. Tonks smiled and wicked at him.  
"Fred Weasley! I told you you could not be here!" Molly said when she saw him.  
"But George and I are off age mom!" he protested.  
"I said out!" Molly said angrily "And take the others upstairs!"  
Tonks heard Bill laughing next to her.  
"Impossible those twins"  
Tonks laughed too. 

"Remus Lupin?"  
That got Tonks attention. She looked around to see a tall, brunette witch hugging him.  
"I haven't seen you in a while!" she said  
Tonks saw how the witch chatted with Remus but since they were at the other side of the room she couldn't hear anything.  
"Who's she?" Tonks asked Bill who was having a conversation with Fleur.  
"What?" he asked smiling and Tonks hated interrupting them.  
"That witch" Tonks pointed.  
"Oh... Emmeline Vance. I think. She was around when I was little. On the first Order, you see? She's still pretty"  
Tonks looked at her. Brown shinny hair. Green eyes, tall great posture. Red lips. She was indeed pretty. And it seemed she was close with Remus. Tonks wondered if they had dated, it would've been logical. And then Tonks cursed herself for thinking about that. It was not her business.  
"She's about Remus and Sirius age" Bill said as responding Tonks' thoughts. 

Suddenly everyone became quiet. Albus Dumbledore entered the room followed shortly by Moody. Everyone took their seats.  
"Good afternoon everyone" Dumbledore took a seat up front. Moody stood beside him.  
"Now that the officially Order of Phoenix is back, let's begin" he said 

Dumbledore introduced everyone. Tonks could hardly remembered everyone's names if you asked her. Some of the members knew each other from the previous war. They talked about how it was sad to continue without the original members. Tonks just listened. She didn't know any of them. Perhaps the only ones that got her attention were James and Lily. Harry Potter's parents. And then he came in. Professor Snape? Tonks detested that man. What was he doing here?

"Sorry for my late arrival"  
"What the hell is he doing here?" Sirius roared  
"Black... I didn't recognize you. You looked like shit the last time I saw you"  
"Talking about looking like shit Snivellus!" Sirius was already on his feet  
"Sirius sit down" Remus begged.  
"Lupin" Snape said "I see that dementors are not the only ones you kiss Black"  
Tons didn't know what that ment.  
"Shut up Snivellus at least I kiss someone"  
"THAT'S ENOUGH" Dumbledore's said "We are not in school anymore I'm afraid. Thank you for coming Severus"  
"He was a death eater!" Kingsley said in disbelief  
"I am aware Kingsley. But Severus does not longer participate with Voldermort or his followers. This is a man that I trust completely. And I am asking you to trust him as well"  
"But I..."  
"Thank you Sirius" Dumbledore interrupted. No one said anything else. 

"This war is different than before" Dumbledore continued "Voldermort has different priorities now. His followers are not the same. He is still powerful, yes. But we have advantages he doesn't. Harry Potter"  
Dumbledore made a pause. Nobody dared to talk or interrupt him. Just like Hogwarts feasts, Tonks thought.  
"In the first war, we didn't know how to destroy Voldermort" Dumbledore continued "He seemed invencible. And by the time we heard about the Prophecy it was too late"  
Dumbledore glanced slithly at Remus and Sirius direction. Tonks looked at them. They had the same sad expression. Sirius moved his leg like he wanted to ran away.  
"The important thing right now" Dumbledore said "is to take care of Harry. He is our only chance..."  
"Harry is more than a weapon Dumbledore" Molly interrupted indignated.  
"Of course Molly. He is a sweet boy. Most of us had had the luck to meet him. And some of us have affection toward him"  
Dumbledore smiled and nobody else said anything.  
"There are three main objectives now: gain help and followers to our side, that includes magical creatures as well"  
Tonks looked at Remus without thinking. He looked much older than moments ago, tired.  
"...but we should do this discreetly. We don't want the Ministry to stop us. The second thing is guard The Prophecy. I believe those are stored in The Department of Mysteries. The ones who work at the Ministry will be an immense help"  
So this is what she will do? Guard a phophecy? Tonks worked at the Ministry. She hated guarding things. Tonks had to do bunch of guarding before her auror official position. She didn't want to do that again.  
"And the third thing is to keep an eye on Harry Potter, and of course his friends" Dumbledore continued "As you know Harry is now with his muggle relatives. I had ask everyone not to contact him. Even his Hogwarts friends. We have to handle the information as gentle as possible. I know him. Harry would want to do everything at once" Dumbledore smiled slithly "But now it is not the time. He has to finish his education first"  
"Harry would like to know everything!" Sirius said suddenly "I know him well. He is not going to be happy about us keeping things from him" and then he muttered "Just like James"  
"It is better that way Sirius" Dumbledore responded politely.  
"He is just a boy" Molly commented  
"Exactly! Harry doesn't deserve to have the burden in his shoulders, I tell ya!" Hagrid said as well.  
"He's been already attacked by dementors this summer" Arthur added. People gasped and murmured between them.  
Sirius buffed but said nothing more. Tonks watched as Remus whispered something to his ear. Sirius nodded sadly.  
"Well I think Harry could spend the rest of the summer here. We will tell him only the minimum"  
"It's Harry's Birthday tomorrow" Remus said  
"Yes, precisely" Dumbledore answered "I was thinking having an Advance Guard to go and get him on Friday. Give him some time to spend his birthday with his aunt and uncle"  
"Harry doesn't like his aunt and uncle" Sirius said irritably  
"It is safest for Harry there" Dumbledore replied smiling.  
"Harry would want to spend his birthday with us" Remus said, he didn't sound angry. He was talking politely "With The Weasleys and his friends"  
"I'm sorry Remus" Dumbledore said "It's only a few days more. I promise he can spend the rest of the summer with you and Christmas if you want"  
Remus didn't respond.

Tonks didn't understand why Harry couldn't be with the ones he loved. They will surely protect him. But again she didn't say anything. There was no use.  
"Okay" Sirius said angrily "But Remus and I are going to get him on Friday"  
"Not you, Snuffles" it was Moody who spoke this time "It is too dangerous"  
"Excuse me?" Sirius asked angry. That bloke really had a temper.  
"Do you wish to go back to sweet Azkaban? Or snog The Dementors?" Snape said  
"I can go as Padfoot" Sirius responded angrily  
"It is too dangerous" Moody repeated.  
"They are right Sirius" Remus smiled at his friend "I will go. I promise I will bring him safely"  
Sirius didn't answer. He kicked his chair burying his had on his hands. People were eyeing him like he was crazy. Maybe spending too much time in Azkaban made you crazy, who knows?  
"So let me get this straight. He..." Sirius pointed towards Snape who simply looked at him amused "...can go to play on missions, while I stay locked up here?"  
"I'm terribly sorry Sirius" Dumbledore said  
"Maybe you can be a good dog for once" Snape commented  
"HOW DARE YOU SNIVELLUS...." Remus grabbed Sirius. He was about to assesin someone.  
"Calm down" Remus whispered to him. Sirius was still red of anger but he sat down. 

"Lovely" Dumbledore broke the ice "Alastor you will lead The Advance Guard, you can choose members of your trust. Besides Mr. Lupin, I suppose"  
Moody nodded stepping to the front. He looked around the room.  
"Shacklebolt, Tonks..."  
Tonks jumped when she heard her name. She looked at Remus and Sirius and smiled assuring them, she will not fail.  
"Doge, Diggle, Vance, Jones and Podmore" Moody finished "Do you agree Dumbledore?" he asked.  
"I couldn't agree more!" Dumbledore said with a big smile on his face. He stood up "Well, see everyone on the next meeting. Severus a private word"  
Snape followed him.

Everyone dispersed. Tonks immediately went towards Remus and Sirius.  
"I'm finally gonna meet the famous Harry Potter, ha?"  
She wanted to lighten the mood. But both of them had long faces.  
"Great! You're gonna love him" Sirius said sarcastically. He stood up.  
"Where are you going?" Remus asked  
"To the fucking loo! Could I? Or is that controlled as well?"  
Tonks looked down but saw Remus rolling his eyes.  
Sirius left.  
"He has a very special temper" Remus smiled at her.  
Tonks smiled back  
"See you on Friday then" he said.  
"See you then"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologize for putting the Harry Potter/ Nymphadora Tonks tag. I'm new posting on this platform so I'm sorry I confused you. I ment to tag the friendship between the two. Not a romantic relationship. I already erase it and won't make the same mistake in the future.  
> Sorry again.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday 5th August 1995:

"I hate flying" Remus pale face said as Moody handled him his broom.   
It was the day to bring Harry to Grimmaund Place. Tonks had had so much fun sending The letter to The Dursleys, claiming they had won "a prize". Those muggles really believed anything.   
"What a boomer!" Moody answered without emotion.  
Tonks laughed grabbing her own broom.   
"Flying is amazing!" She teased  
"No it's not!"  
"Don't be such a baby Remus" Emmeline said with a bid smile on her face.  
Remus sighed on defeat.   
"I get you Remus" Kingsley added nervously "I don't like heights very much"  
"Okay everyone!" Moody called for attention "You know the business. Get Potter and get back. That's it" then he whispered "It shouldn't be so difficult"   
Everyone mounted on their respective brooms. Remus looked very nervous.  
"Do you want me to hold your hand, Remus?" Tonks asked laughing  
"Shut up Nymphadora!" Remus smiled   
"Tonks!" she couldn't help it. Her hair was now turning bright red again.  
"Okay okay..." Remus smiled "Dora!"   
Tonks hair went back to her normal violet color.   
"One, two... NOW!" 

And they flew up. Tonks tried to make it a competition. Just for it to be fun. Her and Emmeline were taking the lead. The witch was surprisingly good. Podmore was closely behind. Then Hestia and Moody. He was never good at flying. And at the end Tonks could see Kingsley and Remus both very pale. She laughed to herself.   
"Bunch of pussies, men. Am I right?" Emmeline asked her.  
Tonks blushed.   
"Yeah!" 

When they landed, Tonks could see the little muggle houses on the street. They all look the same.   
"It's that one" Moody said seeing everyone's confusion. 

They entered. A simple 'Alohomora' spell could open a muggle house. Tonks was so excited to finally meet Harry Potter and at the same time, she was very amazed by the house. She had never visited a muggle household. Only her grandparents when she was little but they had died a long time ago. 

She was looking everywhere with her mouth opened when BUM! CLASH! She had broken a few dishes that were laying on the counter.   
"Shit! Tonks!" Moody said furiously.  
"Sorry!" Tonks blushed while everyone else laughed.   
"Honestly Dora" Remus was laughing really hard "You could never robe a place. What a stealth!"  
Tonks blushed and her hair was red as well. She laughed.  
"I'm sorry. At least I know how to properly fly"  
"I flew very well" Remus said  
"Honestly Remus it looked like you were peeing yourself" Emmeline laughed as well.  
Everyone was either laughing or smiling.   
"That's enough. You're going to scare Potter" Moody was pissed  
"I'm sorry but that was really funny" Remus laughed even more grabbing his belly. He was in a better mood than last week. Tonks thought joy suit him.  
"Shut up! I am embarrassed, okay?" Tonks laughed as well.   
"It was definitely a ' snacky' move" Kingsley commented. Tonks got it. Kingsley mixed the words sneaky and snacks because she broke dishes. Everyone laughed at that. Tonks rolled her eyes embarrassed.   
"That's enough" Moody said angrily "Shut up! Potter is upstairs"

They heard steps coming from the second floor. Everyone was silent now. Tonks looked at Remus who was still trying not to laugh. She put her tongue out for him. Remus smiled. Tonks was definitely blushing now.   
They heard someone approaching with his wand out. And Tonks saw him for the first time. Messy hair, big muggle clothes, green eyes, glasses and the famous scar on his forehead. Harry Potter. 

* * *

Harry was a lovely boy. He asked the amount of necessary questions. He was surprised by many things, specially Tonks being a metamorphmagus. Tonks tried not to tell him much, as Dumbledore had suggested. They had their second Order meeting, discussing details about the Prophecy guards and other things Voldermort was planning. 

Later that day, after the delicious dinner Molly had prepared for them, things got a bit complicated.

Tonks had been wanting to help Molly the whole afternoon but she didn't want it. Tonks knew it was because of her clumsiness. She tried not to think about it much. Instead she had been distracting the girls by transforming her nose into different animals. 

*** 

Tonks was tired after dinner. And it wasn't until Sirius started talking about You Know Who that the mood on the table changed. It happened quickly. Sirius and Molly were now quarreling. Everyone was quiet. Looking from one end to the other. Sirius was really not willing to pay attention to Dumbledore. He wanted to tell Harry everything. And Molly mentioned James, Harry's father. Which made Tonks feel more curious. She knew too little. 

The fight ended up abruptly and Sirius got what he wanted. They told Harry a bit more. But there was a lot he was missing still. Tonks saw how Remus and Sirius answered Harry's questions. They surely had a good relationship and Tonks saw how Remus had calmed Sirius down. Tonks wondered how much they had been through together.   
It wasn't until weeks later that she found out.

* * *

16th August 1995

It had been weeks of instense cleaning. Tonks came and went. She practically lived at Grimmaund Place. Sometimes she stayed there for the night. They talked about many things including Quidditch and the badges that Ron and Hermione just got, they were the next Gryffindor prefects. But precisely the most important event was Harry's hearing. For using a Patronus Charm in presence of a muggle. He got out, thanks to Dumbledore and he was not expelled from Hogwarts.

Tonks had enjoyed the summer so much. Specially by the company of a certain werewolf. He was so easy to be around. 

Tonks found herself serving herself too much of Molly's pie. It was so good and sweet. And Tonks loved sweet.   
She was grabbing another piece in the kitchen. Everyone was busy talking in the living room.   
"Dora..." a voice said and she jumped. It was Remus. She sighed.   
"Lupin"   
"Are you going to call me by my surname?" Remus asked amused  
"Are you going to call me by my name?"   
"Nymphadora is your name!"   
"Please don't say that out loud!"   
Remus laughed.   
"Are you eating more pie?"   
"It is so good, okay?" Tonks answered embarrassed, she licked her pie covered fingers.   
Remus stared rather amused.   
"What?"  
"Nothing..." he answered quickly "Can I have a bite?"  
"No sir... This is the last piece and I won't share it"   
"Not even with me?"  
"Not even with you!"  
"Come on!" Remus said "Please give me a bit" he was actually making a pout?  
"No!"  
"Dora!"  
"Specially if you call me that!"  
Remus tried to grab it but Tonks blocked him laughing.   
"Lupin honestly I will hex you!"  
He was laughing as well.   
"You can try"  
Tonks screamed covering the piece of pie. They were both laughing and wrestling.  
Then they heard someone clearing his throat. Sirius. He looked pissed. Remus backed away.  
"What happened Sirius?"   
"Moo... Remus" he corrected himself "It's Molly. She found the boggart upstairs" 

* * *

24th August 1995

That Thrusday was the thrid Order meeting. Without Dumbledore this time. They had to prepare the details to take the kids back to Hogwarts. Moody on the lead of course. The meeting was set 8:00 am. Very early if you ask Tonks. She was actually yawing. As well as others. Today Tonks could only see Bill, Kingsley and The Weasleys.   
"Well let's begin" Moody said.  
"Does anyone want any breakfast?" Molly asked  
Actually Tonks was dying for some tea.  
"Later Molly" Moody said annoyed.   
Molly sat down.  
"Where are Sirius? And Remus?"  
"They must have overslept" Molly said  
"Sirius enjoys sleeping too much" Arthur commented as if it was a sin. Tonks had always known Arthur to be an early riser.   
"Bogger" Moody said annoyed.  
"I'll wake them up" Tonks offered. She didn't mind. 

Tonks climbed upstairs yawing. Harry and the other teens must've been asleep because Tonks didn't hear any more sound.   
Sirius slept in the third and last floor. Not in his previous room. He had said it brought him bad childhood memories. Tonks tripped over a statue almost knocking it. But it was because she was so sleepy. She didn't function without sweet tea. 

Tonks knocked Remus door first. She wanted to deal with Sirius with him. Only Remus seemed to control Sirius. And Tonks liked Remus. She really did. Nobody answered. Tonks knocked even harder to wake Remus up. She wanted to be done with the meeting quickly. 

Tonks yawned again as Remus opened the door. He was covered with many many towels. His cheeks were flushed. And his hair was wet.   
"Dora..." he said embarrassed.  
Tonks blushed "Sorry" she said. Remus was having a shower. "The... The thing- meeting is about to begin so..."  
Remus nodded "Alright"  
"We should wake Sirius..." she pointed to the door behind her.   
"Moony? Did you get rid of them?" Sirius said. His voice came from inside Remus' room. The water was still running and Remus looked panicked. And that was it. Everything made sense for Tonks. 

Remus smiled embarrassed and blushing.   
"We will be down in a minute" Remus said.  
"Oh! I will.... I will go and tell them... I... shit... I..." Tonks backed away until she hit the wall behind her.  
"There's a wall there"   
Remus laughed "Sorry" He closed the door.

Immediately Tonks ran away. She was not feeling well. She didn't know if it was embarrassment, humiliation or something else. She saw her hair turn pale blue as she passed through the mirrors in the halls. She had a knot on her throat for some reason. At least now she was truly awake.


	4. Chapter 4

12ve September 1995

"Dear Charlie,

Where have you been? Why haven't you written? Ungrateful wanker. I have a lot to tell you. Please answer me? I am confused. 

Tonks"

* * * 

15th September 1995

The next Order Meeting was led by Snape, since Dumbledore was too busy. 

"The Headmaster has important matters to attend in relate of the War. You have to be patient with him" 

Mostly everyone at the Order hated Snape. Some for his bad reputation, some for his death eater past and some like Tonks, for being a nasty teacher.   
But perhaps the one who hated Snape the most was Sirius Black, who had been in a terrible mood lately. He hated being locked up.

"So... I'm here to let everyone know what this Prophecy means" Snape continued "I will explain what it says and..."

But he was interrupted by Sirius who blasted the door a little too much, making everyone's head turn. 

"Black..." Snape said   
Sirius saw Snape on the front cracked up laughing. He was drunk. Tonks could clearly smell the boose.   
"Wha' 'r we receiving classes from Professor Snape now?"  
"You're late. Sit down" Snape said like talking to a three year old.  
"Whas' the poin'? I can't go anywhere anyway'"   
"Beautiful" Snape said sarcastically

Tonks saw how everyone was loosing patience. Remus closed his eyes embarrassed. Tonks expected him to calm Sirius down or talk to him gently, but Remus just acted like he didn't even realized he was there. 

"Bloody hell Sirius!" Molly yelled "You show yourself in that state? Think about it! The example you are giving Harry!"   
Molly seemed furious. Sirius collapsed in the chair next to Remus.  
"Moony" he mumbled.  
Remus quickly stood up to sat on the chair next to Tonks. She stopped breathing for a second. Remus seemed pissed. Sirius seemed hurt.   
"C'mon!" Molly grabbed Sirius' arm. "You are not allowed to be in this meeting. I'll prepare you some coffee. Billy help me darling"  
Bill went to help his mother.   
"You may continue Snape" Molly said embarrassed.   
"Lovely" Snape said kind of amused by the scene. Tonks watched the trio left. Remus didn't turn his head. 

"As I was saying..." Snape snorted "The Phophecy involving Mr. Potter was heard many years ago by Dumbledore..."

"He is just pissed that he has to spend all day here" Remus whispered on Tonks ear while Snape talked.   
"It's fine I understand" Tonks whispered back   
"I'm sorry about the other day"   
"It's fine" Tonks smiled "I was just surprised because I didn't know you were..."  
"Homosexual?" Remus snorted.  
Tonks giggled and him as well. They tried not to laugh loudly. Snape gave them a funny look while he spoke.   
"It's complicated, you know?" Remus continued "Between me and Sirius"   
"For... his time at Azkaban?" Tonks asked carefully, she didn't want to upset Remus and open up a bruise.   
Remus sighed "There are a lot of things involved"   
Tonks simply smiled. She didn't know the whole story.   
"Have you ever been in love?" Remus asked her. That question made her heart bit faster.   
"Nah" she answered casually "Only dated stupid people"  
Remus snorted "You're lucky"   
"Am I?"   
"I don't know" he answered "You're young and innocent. Practically a baby"   
"Excuse you old grandpa!" Tonks giggled "I am an adult. I have experienced plenty"  
Remus shook his head smiling "Child"   
"Shut up looser"   
Remus silently laughed. 

"Excuse me Lupin" Snape said in the most teacher tone possible "I'm pretty sure you are chatting about important Order matters with the girl. Or would you like to join your.... friend...Black for a cup of coffee?"

Everyone in the room looked at Remus and Tonks. Tonks blushed. Remus cleared his throat adopting his serious older adult expression.  
"Sorry Severus" he smiled politely "Please carry on"  
Snape looked at him with hateful eyes but continued talking.   
"Do you think he washes his hair in the morning?" Tonks asked pretty bored.   
Remus had to bite his lower lip to avoid laughing.  
Tonks was pleased with herself.   
"Shut up Dora, we have to be responsible adults" he whispered  
"I thought I was a baby?" Tonks smiled   
Before Remus could answer, Snape finished and quickly left the room. People dispersed as usual.   
"I better go and check on Sirius" Remus said  
"Okay" Tonks answered.

As she saw Remus leaving, Kingsley approached to her.   
"Ready for your mission?  
"I have a mission?" Tonks asked excited  
"Moody recommend us to guard Fudge today. Find out what we can..." Kingsley smiled  
"Aaaarggg!" Tonks moaned. She was tired of guarding things and people. Specially Cornelius Fudge "Kill me now, Kingsley"  
He laughed. 

* * * 

The Order had received reports about the position magical creatures on the war. Luckily nothing big had happened. The Ministry still believed in the nonsense of Cornelius Fudge. Dumbledore believed it was a matter of time until Death eaters attacked again. You Know Who wasn't a fool. He wasn't gonna tell the world he was back. Not yet. 

In other business, Tonks had been thinking a lot about Sirius and Remus. Had they dated before? What exactly happened? Were they a couple now? Tonks was a pretty curious person. 

Tonks casually asked Bill but he said he had no idea what was the state of their relationship.

"They were mates at school. That's all I know" Bill had said "But obviously Remus thought for many years that Sirius was The Potter's murderer. Imagine that"

Actually nobody at the Order knew. And honestly Tonks wondered how. Sirius and Remus were too obvious sometimes. Often Sirius would wink at her. He totally knew that she knew. Tonks would simply smile. 

* * *

21st September 1995

Suspicious activities were occuring at Diagon Alley according to Mad Eye. A group of people were giving opened speeches about the lies of Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore. He was still missing. Nobody knew what he was actually doing. And some members believed he actually didn't care and everything was a charade. The main one being Mundungus Fletcher. 

Tonks was assigned to check on those people. See if they were Fudge fanatics, a simple enthusiastic group or in the worst case scenario, death eaters. 

Tonks was paired with Emmeline Vance, this time. She would recognize death eaters or dark wizards for her experience in the previous war. 

Tonks was nervous. Emmeline emanated such power and status that intimidated Tonks. But she was excited as well. Emmeline knew well Remus. Probably Sirius. And the original members of the Order. Perhaps she could answer some of her questions. Anyways she was less intimidating than the older members. 

They flew to one of the building ceilings and casted a disillusionment charm. 

"Drink this" Emmeline said giving Tonks a vile  
"What is this?"   
Emmeline laughed when she saw her face "It's just a potion to help you hear better. So we can hear if they whisper something or talk softer"  
"Oh!" Tonks smiled embarrassed "Wicked"

Tonks drank the potion and it was true she could hear everything clearly, even the movement of the birds, the shoes on the pavement, some of the whispers down there. It was overwhelming.

"Try to concentrate on them" Emmeline gestured to.the group  
"Lovely" 

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WITCHES AND WIZARDS! WE HAVE MORE PROOF" A witch down there was announcing. She looked so young to had been in the First War. Or be a death eater. She seemed around Tonks' age actually.

"HARRY POTTER HAD BEEN MISTREATED BY HIS MUGGLE RELATIVES" another young wizard added "MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED, SO IT IS REASONABLE FOR HIM TO ALLUCINATE THINGS"

Tonks was disgusted. She couldn't hear no more.   
"They don't seem death eaters. Or dangerous" Emmeline commented.  
"They are bloody wankers. That's what they are!"   
Emmeline laughed. Tonks smiled blushing.   
"I like your hair by the way" she said. Tonks hair had a violet blue shade.  
"Thanks" Tonks smiled  
"It must be wicked" Emmeline said "Changing your hair the way you want, when you want to"  
"It is actually wicked" Tonks responded  
"I once tried to dye my hair with a spell in fourth year" Emmeline smiled "Half of my hair fell down"   
Tonks laughed "Your natural color is pretty"  
"Oh! Thanks" Emmeline smiled. Tonks blushed again. She was very pretty. 

She turned to see the speech down. Tonks sighed trying to figure out how to begin.   
"You knew Remus from before?"   
Fuck! Nice job being discreet, Tonks.  
Emmeline looked at her and smiled.  
"Yes... Sort of" she answered "We kind of dated at Hogwarts"   
Tonks opened her eyes as plates. She didn't expect that.   
"Really?" Tonks asked casually.  
"Yeah"  
"I thought he was..." Tonks said mostly to herself.  
"Gay?"   
"I..."   
Emmeline laughed "I know about the thing about him and Sirius. He only dated me to cover up his crush on Sirius. And you know,. everyone was in love with Sirius back then" she sounded annoyed.  
"That sounds awful" Tonks said "He kind of used you"  
"I guess. But I don't blame him. It was scary for gay men on the seventies" she said sighing "Anyway. We are good friends now. And I am married so..."  
"You are married?"  
She nodded "With a muggle"   
Tonks nodded. She seemed pretty young to be married.   
"It was awful for poor Remus when it happened" Emmeline continued.  
"The Potter's death?" Tonks asked. This was it, what she had been most interested in.  
Emmeline nodded rather sad.  
"Imagine believing your boyfriend is a murderer who betrayed his friends. When it was actually..."  
"Pettigrew" Tonks had heard that name so many times before.  
Emmeline nodded again "They were inseparable you know? The four of them. Even Pettigrew. I always wondered what went wrong"  
Tonks sighed. Not sure what to say next.  
"So Sirius and Remus had dated long?"   
Emmeline looked at her in a curious way for a moment but then responded.  
"Since Hogwarts. I don't remember exactly since when. But after that they went to live together. I thought they were happy. Although not everyone in the Order knew. Not everyone is... accepting, you know?"  
"Yeah" Tonks smiled. She was happy she had asked Emmeline. Tonks really liked her.   
"I can't listen to this nonsense anymore" Emmeline said disgusted. Tonks realized she hadn't been paying attention. "Should we tell Moody there's nothing suspicious about them?"   
Tonks nodded relieved "Please"

* * * 

"Dear Tonks,

I'm so sorry babe. Busy. It's that time of the year when Dragons mate!! Sorry, I shouldn't be too excited about that, blah, blah, blah. Anyways what are the news? Why are you confused?

Yours,  
Charlie"

* * * 

Tonks went to bed that night thinking about how many people had Remus dated. How many secrets he kept? What did he do all those years without his friends? He must've felt so lonely.   
Then she shook those thoughts out of her mind. Again. It was not of her business. She finally fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mention of depression and self harm

5th October 1995

Tonks didn't know what to tell Charlie. How could she explain? She's been thinking about someone way too much. It wasn't her fault. Remus had a mysterious and interesting past. His werewolf condition. He was funny, sarcastic and chaotic when he needed and other times calmed, serious and rather sad. 

Besides, Remus and Tonks had become very close friends. They teased each other. They laughed on meetings and they talked about silly things when they got the chance. 

"Dora!" Remus had said after one of their afternoon meetings. Remus and Tonks usually stayed for dinner.  
"Lupin!" Tonks answered in the same tone.  
"It's too late sweetheart. Your parents are going to start wondering were you are"  
This was another thing of theirs. Remus claimed Tonks was too young. And she claimed he was too old.   
"I don't know. They might be wondering the same thing on the nursing home"   
Sirius laughed hard. He was drinking again. He did that mostly every day. Tonks smiled and Remus rolled his eyes.  
"What side are you on Pads?" Remus asked him.  
"She is right Moony" Sirius said sipping his drink. "Look at your gray hair"   
"Shut up!" Remus said trying not to smile.  
"Yep" Tonks agreed. Indeed Remus had grey hair. But it was cute.   
"All I'm saying is that you are slow, you get scared by loud noises.... "  
"You're older than me, you wanker!"  
"Not in spirit"  
Remus smiled giving Sirius his middle finger. Sirius blow him as kiss. Tonks had to look away. It seemed so private.   
"This is your fault Dora!" Remus said pointing at her.  
"What did I do?" Tonks smiled innocently.   
Remus gently pushed her with his hip.   
"Little brat" he said  
"Old bogger!"

"Alright everyone, dinner is almost ready" Molly said coming in with a big smile on her face "It would be just us and Kingsley I'm afraid. Arthur is busy at work and my sons seem they had forgotten about me..." she sighed "SIRIUS!" she said when she saw him "BLOODY HELL. STOP WITH THAT AWFUL HABBIT!"   
Molly took his drink and threw it in the sink.  
"Molly!" Sirius protested   
"Drinking is bad Sirius" Remus said  
"You use to be fun Moony!" Sirius stood up and left like a little kid.  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
"Anyway Tonks darling" Molly continued "Help me set the table"  
"What about them?" Tonks protested pointing to Remus.  
"I can help" Remus suggested   
"Nonsense. Tonks and I will manage" Molly said "Why don't you go and check if Sirius found another bottle?"  
Honestly. This woman stood by gender norms. She always asked women to help her. But men got out easily. Remus left the kitchen raising his shoulders and smiling. Fucking wanker. Tonks put out her tongue. 

* * * 

9th October 1995

Remus had very different swings of mood. As he had moments of happiness when he would mock Tonks and laugh with her, Remus also had bad days. It had been the full moon the night before. Tonks knew Remus was locked in the basement for his transformations. Padfoot accompanied him. But Tonks noticed Remus was rather sad. 

"Wotcher Remus!" Tonks collapsed into the seat next to him. He looked pale and tired. Much older.   
"Hi" he faked a smile.   
Remus was avoiding her gaze. 

It was a quiet afternoon. There was no Order Meeting. But Tonks liked spending time at Grimmaund Place these days. Maybe a little too much. When they didn't have meetings, the house was practically empty. Only Sirius was there. Remus kept him company. Sirius detested to be alone. 

"Are you okay?" It was silly to ask but she didn't know what to say   
"My head hurts" he answered  
"Bad full moon?"  
Before he can respond, Remus flinched with a sound they both heard. It was a record player being set. Loud music started playing from the other room. Tonks didn't recognize the song.   
"Bloody hell!" Remus said annoyed "Sirius!" he didn't respond "Sirius!!" 

Remus went to the room were Sirius was. Tonks unconsciously followed him.  
Sirius was dancing and moving his head to the rithm of the music. 70's rock.   
"SIRIUS!" Remus yelled over the music. He didn't answer. "FUCKING TURN THAT OFF!"   
Sirius kept balancing to the music. Remus looked furious. He took out his wand and turn the music off with a spell.   
"I was listening to that!" Sirius protested.   
"I TOLD YOU TO TURN THE MUSIC DOWN! MY HEAD HURTS!"  
Sirius looked hurt. "I was trying to cheer you up. You used to love to listen to T. Rex after the full moon"  
"YOU DON'T GET IT? I SAID MY HEAD FUCKING HURTS!"  
Finally Sirius looked towards Tonks.   
"Pinky One!" he smiled. Tonks jumped. "What do you think? Fancy a dance?"  
"Amm" she knew he was saying that to piss Remus. It worked.   
"YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE SIRIUS!"   
"OH YEAH? YOU'RE NOT BETTER. JUST A WANKER. DON'T RUIN EVERYONE'S GOOD MOOD JUST FOR..."  
"MY LYCANTROPY?" Remus asked "HONESTLY FUCK YOU!"  
Remus stormed out of there.   
"Fine! Go!" Sirius said after him. He took a little bottle and drank from it. Tonks was looking at him, she didn't realize it until he caught her and smiled.   
"Sorry Pinky One" he murmured.  
"I... It's okay!" Tonks said nervously "I should..." she turned around to hit a couch "Shit. I should probably go.."   
Sirius smiled politely but rather sad. And Tonks stormed out of there. 

* * *

31st October 1995

Remus humor improved over the next few weeks. Remus and Sirius were cuddly and sweetly annoying. The next Order Meeting was scheduled for the first days of November. 

The stacks of Grimmaund Place quickly ran out. Molly entrusted Remus and Tonks to do the grocery. They spent at Diagon Alley the whole morning. Remus had apologized for the other day. And they were their usually friendly selves. Remus took on his hands everything that Tonks finds interesting or delicious.   
"Too many sweets for a child like you!" He said as he took the sack of lollies she wanted.  
Then Tonks had found a bottle of Fireweiskey.   
"No way, you're not drinking!" He took it away.   
Then she took a box of chocolate   
"Uuuh that's mine!"   
"Oi! Lupin! Give it back!"  
"Nah!"  
"Remus!"  
"Dora!"  
Tonks tried to chase him. She took the chocolate and ran away. Remus chased after her.   
"Oi! Come back!"  
"No!! Aaaah! No!" Tonks was laughing too hard.   
Remus finally caught her.   
They were both laughing. Tonks found herself staring at Remus. And shook her head when she realized this. 

* * *

When they finally got back to Grimmaund Place, Molly had left a note:  
"Thank you darlings. Had to help Arthur with something"  
Tonks sighed. "We have to store everything" she moaned "Convinient 'having to help Arthur'"   
Remus laughed at that.   
"SIRIUS?" he yelled. Nobody answered. "Where is he?"   
Remus asked Kreacher who was coming to help.   
"Filthy half breed..." The elf murmured.  
"Where is he?" Remus asked louder.   
"Upstairs..." 

Remus ran upstairs. Very worried. Tonks followed him. Partly because she didn't want to be left alone with Kreacher but mainly because she was curious. 

When they reached Sirius bedroom, the man wasn't there.   
"Sirius?"   
"Moony?" A little howl came from the bathroom.   
When they got to the bathroom, they saw Sirius almost blue. Shivering and pale. He had an empty bottle in hand. Tonks looked away. Sirius looked miserable and he was naked.   
"SIRIUS! FUCK!"  
Remus got him out of the bathtub.   
"Tonks! The towel!"   
It took seconds for Tonks to move. Remus never called her Tonks. She passed him the towel. Remus wrapped Sirius in the towel.  
"Oh no... Baby... It's okay... I'm here. It's okay" he murmured as he did so.   
"Moony..." Sirius murmured   
He casted some heating spells to warm him up. Tonks was static.   
"What did you do that?" Tonks heard the panic in Remus' voice.   
"Fourteen years" Sirius said as weak as he looked " It's fourteen years today"  
"What?"   
"J-ja-ames" Sirius trembled "J-ja-ames and Li-ily"   
"Oh Pads" Remus closed his eyes in pain.   
Tonks heart sunk. Tears were threatening to scape.   
"Dora" Remus said finally looking at her "Could you prepare some hot tea while I help him dress?"   
Tonks couldn't speak. She managed to nod. 

As Tonks walked away, she could hear Remus' voice breaking.   
"Oh Pads. Don't you ever do this again. I love you. I love you so much" 

It was then that Tonks knew that she wanted to be held by someone. That she needed someone to take care of her like that. Someone to have a special connection with. Like her parents. And the wicked thing was that she wanted that person to be Remus. 

* * *

"Dear Charlie,

I think I am fucked up. I have a crush on someone. And I don't think he could ever like me back. Details on the next letter. I am too overwhelmed to write.

Tonks"


	6. Chapter 6

19th December 1995

Arthur's attack dissipated Tonks thoughts from Remus. It was odd. Tonks felt guilty somehow. It was Arthur's turn to guard the Prophecy. But it could've been her or Kingsley. It would have been better if it was her. She had no wife and kids to take care of like Arthur. It was a relief to know he was going to be okay. 

Charlie never answered her letter explaining everything. And it was okay. It had been his birthday last week. Tonks sent him a present and everything. But poor thing. He must've found out about his father by now. Charlie must've been worried. 

As she and Mad Eye took the Weasley children and Harry to St. Mungo's, Tonks tried to lighten the mood by distracting Harry. It was interesting that the boy saw the attack on his dream. She suggested perhaps he was a seer. Harry didn't cease to impress her. It was because of him that Arthur was still alive. 

Tonks waited with Mad Eye outside the room. It was better to give them some privacy. Mad Eye seemed in a bad mood, as always. They stood in silence for a while. Just watching healers and wizards passing by.   
"Poor Arthur" Tonks commented "It should've been me"  
"Tonks!" Moody protested  
"Arthur didn't deserve it"  
"Nor did you!" Moody explained but then cleared his throat when he realized what he said "Arthur is fine anyways. Potter would've saved anyone who was attacked"  
Moody was avoiding Tonks face. She smiled.  
"Mad Eye. You care!"  
"What?"  
"You care about me, don't you?"   
Moody was red now. "Stop talking nonsense. Tonks"  
She laughed. 

They both were silent for a while.  
"Do you know where Remus had been lately?" 

Tonks hadn't seen Remus for days. Tonks swallowed trying to hide her crush. This was getting ridiculous. She should forget about him. He was gay and he had Sirius. But Tonks was allowed to care, right? Remus was her friend after all. 

"He spent the full moon with a werewolf pack" Moody whispered. There were too many people around.  
"What?" Tonks practically yelled.  
"Yes" Moody looked at her like she was crazy "He stayed a few days there to gather as much information as possible. He will be back for Christmas I reckon"   
"It's not fair" Tonks sighed "Dumbledore just sends him there like that?"  
"He is with his fellow equals"  
"It still could be dangerous for him!"  
"Watch it Tonks" Moody's fake eye was looking at her instensly "He is not good for you. And there's no time right now for a romance"  
That took Tonks off guard. Was she too obvious?   
"I don't... I..."  
"Just be careful" Moody said avoiding her gaze again "I like Lupin but he has too much baggage to deal with"   
Tonks didn't answer. It wasn't her fault to like someone like that. Remus was too complicated, but Tonks didn't care. Anyway, Moody didn't know the whole story. Or Remus' relationship with Sirius.   
Tonks smiled slithly "You care"  
That made Moody buff.

* * * 

Dear Tonks,

I won't be able to come for Christmas this year. I feel like shit and I know Mum is furious. But I promise I will visit dad on January. And when I go there, I think we should talk about your 'problem'. Blimey girl! You always fall for bad people. You deserve someone who loves like the queen you are. Just keep that in mind. Have a nice Holiday and we will see each other in a few weeks.  
Love your sorry pink metamorphmagus ass,

Charlie

* * *

25th December 1995

Tonks had never been happier on a Christmas morning. Her previous years she would spend it with her parents. And send Charlie his present. It was rather sad. Now she was invited to have lunch at Grimmaund Place. And she had a lot of people to by presents for. Specially for a certain werewolf. 

"So you will abandon your father and me?" Andromeda had asked that morning over breakfast.  
"Leave her Dromeda. She is a grown up woman" Ted said smiling  
"Thank you Dad. At least you remember that!" Tonks responded looking at her mother "And don't worry, I will have dinner with you. It's just lunch. Molly and the rest will visit Arthur on St. Mungos after that"  
"How is he by the way?" Andromeda asked in a softer voice  
"Good!" Tonks said as she stuffed her mouth with her chocolate pancakes "I reckon he will be out before New year's"

Tonks bought Remus a watch. A fancy one. It would change it's color around the full moon. She didn't know why but it just seemed appropriate. She was nervous to give it to him. If it would suggest something. She wondered if it was okay to give him a present at all. What if Sirius got jelaous?

"I love it!" Remus said with a big smile on his face. That morning he had bags under his eyes, he looked tired and older but he was happy "It is so useful for me" he put it on "I'm afraid I didn't get you anything. I was busy..."  
"Yeah don't worry. Mad Eye explained" Tonks smiled. She was just happy that Remus liked her present "Everything okay? With the wolves?"   
Remus laughed "Yeah. They are good with me. They just hate wizards"   
"You're a wizard"   
Remus smiled but didn't say anything.   
"So... What did Sirius gave you?" Tonks raised her eyebrow. She wanted to change the subject. And she was super curious.   
"I already gave him his present this morning" Sirius came very cheering. He was in a very good mood "If you know what I mean" he winked.   
Tonks went pale but she tried to hide it.   
"Too much information" she said looking down.   
"Sirius..."  
"Remus..."  
"There are kids here" Remus laughed gesturing to the twins and Ginny who were testing some Zonko's products on the other corner.  
"Yeah Sirius please" Tonks tried to smile  
"I was talking about you. You're a kid too, you know?" Remus smiled  
Tonks blushed "Shut up!"  
Sirius laughed giving Remus a quick kiss on the cheek.   
"I promised Molly I will help her with lunch" he said  
"You did?" Remus and Tonks asked at the same time.   
Sirius smiled "Don't act so surprised. I'm good at helping. And it's Christmas!" he laughed "Anything can happen"   
"Christmas miracle" Remus laughed  
"Shut up Moony" he said beaming   
"Yeah go help her" Remus said "She was upset about Percy this morning"   
"Percy is being a wanker" Tonks commented. How could he go against his own family?  
Remus laughed  
"Has anyone seen Harry?" Sirius asked to the group.  
"Upstairs with Ron and Hermione" Ginny answered.  
Sirius left practically bouncing.   
Tonks saw Remus' expression. He smiled widely. Remus watched as Sirius walked away, his eyes full of love. It was painful for Tonks.   
"I'm starving!" Tonks sighed, trying to shake her thoughts "Do you think Molly made pastries?" 

* * *

After lunch (which was exquisite, Tonks ate too much), the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione went upstairs to change into something more comfortable to go and visit Arthur. 

Remus, Mad Eye and Mundungus were waiting for them to scort them to St. Mungo's in Mundungus car. They were in the living room. Devouring Molly's pudding and trifle. Tonks was eating hers happily, licking her spoon. Like a little kid. Remus was eyeing her amused.   
"Oh you're a grown and mature adult, alright!" he joked  
"Bogger off Lupin!" Tonks responded rolling her eyes. 

Sirius put some record on and offered everyone Christmas licor. He sat next to Remus eating him with his eyes. 

'I'd rather go blind by Etta James' started playing. Tonks loved that song. But it was too romantic for her taste. Specially now. 

Tonks didn't know what happened next. If it was the food or the licor she had drunk. Or the jealousy to see Remus and Sirius smiling at each other. She stood up and pulled Remus to dance.   
"No, no, no, no!!" he protested "Dora I suck at dancing"  
"Please Remus" she made a pout  
"No..."  
"Don't be rude with the lady Remus" Sirius said with a smile on his face "I have seen you dancing. You're good"  
"Busted!" Tonks laughed  
Remus rolled his eyes "I hate you both"

Remus and Tonks slow danced to the song. Tonks could see Moody and Fletcher stopped their conversation to look at them. Even Molly had come from the kitchen to watch. She had a big smile on her face. And Sirius. Sirius expression was undescribable. Was he jealous? He just watched them. 

Tonks laughed to release the tension. Remus smiled at her. He spinned her around. Both of them laughing.   
"We have to celebrate, right?" Tonks whispered in Remus' ear "Arthur is alive. We are all fine and well"   
"Yeah..." Remus answered.   
Tonks leaned on his chest. He had a nice chocolate and fresh parchment scent. Tonks closed her eyes taking it in.   
The song ended. Remus pulled away awkwardly but he was still smiling. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment. And Tonks could've sworn her heart stopped for a moment. Shit. 

Tonks turned her head to see everyone looking at them. Even the twins joined. One of them winking at her. Tonks blushed. And Sirius broke the ice by applauding.   
"See? I told you he could dance" he said looking at Remus.   
"Bloody hell!!" Molly said looking at the watch "It's late! Fred, George. Where is everyone?"   
"Relax mom" George said. Tonks knew it was Goerge because he was wearing the G Christmas jumper.  
"We need to leave now! Your father must be waiting!" Molly said "RON! GINNY! MOVE IT!" she yelled.   
Meanwhile Tonks was trying to calm her jumping heart. Shit.

* * *

2nd January 1996

Tonks didn't see Remus after that. She spent New year's with her parents. Her heart ached again everytime she saw them dance, laugh, hug or kiss. What was she going to do? 

She saw Lupin again that Tuesday. She was supposed to escort Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and The twins to Hogwarts. They were going to take the Night Bus. Molly offered her breakfast. And she stuffed pancakes nervously. She needed the sweet. She threw glances at Remus now and then. He caught her and simply smiled. Arthur, Molly and Sirius were discussing about You Know Who. How he was determined to get the Phophecy. And the weird dream that saved Arthur. Dumbledore believed there was a connection between him and Harry. That's why he was receiving Occlumency classes with Snape. Sirius was no happy. 

"He is a stupid clown" he was saying "He hates Harry and you know that!"  
"I'm pretty sure Dumbledore trusts him for some reason" Remus said  
"Well I don't" Sirius spatted   
"I'm just worried about Harry. Poor boy" Molly said picking up the empty plates "I'm just grateful you are here Arthur"  
"Thank you darling but this cannot be good" Arthur responded "Harry's connection with... Him"  
"He thinks there is something wrong with him" Sirius sniffed "He told me himself"   
Everyone was silent. They weren't supposed to say anything to Harry. They weren't able to explain. Molly had tears on her eyes.   
"So Arthur!" Tonks changed the subject "When are you getting back to work?"  
"Next week I hope" he answered sighing  
"Honestly darling! You need to rest..."  
In that moment Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the kitchen. They didn't say anything else. 

* * * 

Tonks tried to avoid Remus the whole ride to Hogsmade. She was grateful they had to split up in groups because the Night Bus was full. They said goodbye to the teens. And ride the bus back to Grimmaund Place. The drive was so fast and chaotic that they didn't had the opportunity to chat. 

"Are you angry with me?" Remus finally asked her when they exit The Bus. He looked tired and troubled.  
"No!" she said at once "Why would I be?" she smiled.  
"Don't know! You've been avoiding me all day" he smiled  
"Sorry... I didn't mean to" Tonks answered "I'm... I just have to go back to work tomorrow. And I don't want to" she laughed a bit.  
"I understand" Remus answered getting to the door.   
Tonks followed.  
"Dora" Remus turned around "I... I like being your... friend"  
Tonks could've sweared Remus emphasized the word 'friend'. Tonks tried not to be hurt.   
'You knew he didn't feel the same way' she thought  
'You knew he has Sirius. They are in love'   
'You have to get over this crush'   
"Me too Lupin" she finally answered smiling "Me too"


	7. Chapter 7

13th January 1996

The main discussion on the next Order Meeting was mainly Harry's dream about Arthur's attack. Arthur had to explain the details. Exactly how he was attacked, where the snake came from, if someone else was there. Arthur told the tale many times as possible. 

Dumbledore still didn't appear on the next meetings. He was still busy with the "business" he was up to. Rumour had it, he hadn't even been fullfiling his Headmaster duties. Tonks was sure it wasn't true. 

Snape also explained that Occlumency lessions had not been going well.   
"Perhaps is the teachers fault" Sirius commented "You're not treating Harry properly"  
"I'm teaching Potter Occlumency, not nursing him" Snape responded angrily. 

Tonks also got absorbed in work. She tried spending little time at Grimmaund Place. Specially because she knew Remus and Sirius were there all the time. And she couldn't face them. 

* * * 

That Saturday though, Tonks was willing not to get out of bed. She wanted to sleep, eat a lot of sweets and repeat. But by noon her mother interrupted her. 

"DORA!" She yelled from downstairs. Tonks growled covering herself with her blankets.   
"Fuck off" she murmured  
"DORA! COME DOWN HERE PLEASE!"   
Tonks moaned as she got out of bed. Her mother was not going to leave her alone. He came downstairs pounting.   
"WHAT?" she asked yawning.  
"Is that the way you speak to your mother?"  
The voice didn't come from Andromeda but from...  
"CHARLIE!" Tonks jumped over him, hugging him "Oh my Merlin!"  
"I missed you too Tonksie" he answered   
But Tonks was now hitting him   
"Ouch!"  
"Bloody bastard!! I needed you!" she said "When did you came back?"  
"On Monday"  
"Bastard!" She hit him again.  
"Ouch!!" Charlie protested "I had to visit my father first, bloody narcissistic girl!"  
"Dora please leave the poor lad alone" Ted said watching the scene amused.  
"Thank you Mr. Tonks. She is mean when she wants to!" Charlie said smiling  
"Bastard" Tonks repeated. This time lower. Now seeing Charlie better, she noticed he had a new scratch on his cheek. Cons of working with dragons. Then she smiled "We have a lot to talk about!"   
"Okay. I have the whole day for you, love!"   
"But please come back for dinner" Andromeda came from the kitchen "You are invited Charlie"   
"Thank you Mrs. Tonks" Charlie smiled as Tonks dragged him to her room.  
"We'll see if we can make it" Tonks answered.  
They climbed the stairs.   
"Dora!" Andromeda shouted "Please leave the door opened!" 

"They think we are gonna fuck" Tonks said as they reached her room.   
"As if I wanted to fuck you" Charlie rolled his eyes   
"Am I not fuckable?" Tonks asked as she searched for some muggle clothes to wear.  
"Not for me darling" Charlie said sitting down.   
Tonks smiled. She knew Charlie wasn't interested in girls or boys. He was what it was called asexual. Though nobody seemed to understand this.   
"Honestly they treat me like a child" this reminded Tonks of Remus. How he used to call her child. She sighed.

"How's your dad?" Tonks asked as she entered the bathroom to change.  
"So much better" Charlie answered "I got a lecture from my mother though. And then she asked me if I had met someone yet"  
Tonks laughed "Have you?"  
"Fuck you"  
She loved teasing Charlie.   
"Are you going to tell me about your Werewolf lover?" Charlie asked.   
"Later! And he is not my lover" Tonks answered fixing her hair. She was in a Green mood today. She put on some make up with magic. It was faster.   
"But you want him to be your lover" Charlie answered.  
Tonks opened the door. Charlie had layed on her bed. Toussing a teddy bear back and forward.  
"Ready to leave?" Tonks asked. 

* * *

Tonks and Charlie were the bestest of friends. They were so comfortable with each other, that many people believed they were dating or they should date. And honestly they were tired of that. 

They spent the day doing Tonks' favorite muggle things. Bowling, going to the cinema and obviously eating a lot. Charlie told her everything about dragons. Dragons and dragons. Tonks wasn't interested in the least. But since Charlie was happy, and she was happy as well. 

They came back to The Tonks' back yard to chat and eat Ted's famous chocolate tart.   
Andromeda loved flowers and plants. She usually said that her favorite subject at Hogwarts was Herbology. She kept the garden well maintained. Tonks agreed. It was beautiful. There, Tonks told Charlie everything about Remus, carefully so that her parents wouldn't hear her. 

"You'll get over him, love" he said licking his spoon "I had happened with all of your boyfriends..."  
"I had two!" Tonks protested "What am I a slut?" she sighed laying down "Besides, this time is different"  
"Why?" talking with Charlie about love and dating was stressing. He had no clue what she was talking about.   
"It's just... I haven't felt this way before" Tonks said "I think about him everytime. I dream about him. I want to see him. I miss him when he is gone..."  
"Darling" Charlie layed down next to her "He is in love with someone else. And not anyone else. A bloke!"  
"I know" it hurt hearing that, specially from Charlie.  
"Tonksie, you know you deserve the world right?"   
"I know" Tonks closed her eyes taking the warm if the sun on her skin  
"I just don't want to see you suffering"  
"I KNOW!" Tonks yelled this time. She stood up "I just don't know... Charlie what do I do to get him out of my head?"   
Charlie looked at her lost. He didn't know what to say.   
"Babe. I've never been in love or nor I will. Except for dragons, I guess" he laughed at that "Perhaps..."  
"Perhaps?"  
Charlie sighed "What do like about him?"   
"Everything!" Tonks snorted "I mean. He is funny, handsome, experienced, older. I like the way he treats me. I like the way he is gentle and cares about everyone and at the same time he is chaotic and a little bit selfish. I like his troubled past. The way he had suffered, it makes me want to protect him. And he is so interesting... I mean his Lycanthropy must be a fucking nightmare to live with but he still manages. And I like to discover new things about him..."  
When Tonks finished Charlie was looking at her opened mouthed   
"Fuck!" she said covering her face   
Charlie sighed   
"Amm... Just think about the things you don't like about him... " before Tonks could answer he added "And don't tell me he hasn't because no one is perfect" he continued "Also... Tonksie try to forget about him. See other people. I don't know maybe about your age?"  
Tonks hit him.  
"Ouch! Okay you get my point!"  
Tonks made a pout rather sad.  
"Charlie?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I miss you" Tonks placed her head on his lap   
"I didn't mean me, you know? Stop trying to seduce me..."  
Tonks hit him repeatedly.   
"Aaah! Ouch... Aaah ... I take that back! I take that back!!" Charlie murmured laughing. 

* * *

Charlie stayed for dinner. Andromeda and Ted bombarded him with questions about his work and his life at Rumania. Tonks knew her parents adored Charlie. And they would love for them to marry. 

"Just think about it Dora" Andromeda said as they were cleaning the dishes. Ted was showing Charlie his record collection in the other room. "You two are best friends, you get along..."  
"Mum!"   
"...And... He has a stable job. He is handsome, funny and charismatic"  
"Mum..."  
"And his family. I love Molly and Arthur. They've been so good to you lately..."  
Tonks was getting impatient.   
"MUM STOP!!"  
Andromeda looked at her "Charlie is not interesting in marrying me. Nor do I"   
"And who are you interested in then?" Andromeda asked.  
'Remus' Tonks thought. She wanted him.  
"No one at the moment"   
Andromeda eyed her "I just want you to be happy, baby"  
Tonks didn't respond. 

* * *

"Will you write?" Tonks asked as her and Charlie were saying goodbye. He was travelling back to Rumania the next day.   
"Of course baby" he answered smiling.   
Tonks hugged him rather sad.   
"Hey!" Charlie whispered in her ear "If Remus doesn't want you, he is a total wanker"  
"No he isn't" Tonks cried. It wasn't his fault to be gay and like someone else.   
"Shut up! I was trying to cheer you up"  
Tonks smiled "Love you Charles" she kissed his cheek. 

* * *

18th January 1996

Big news occured that week. Mass Breakout of several death eaters from Azkaban. This was an scandal for the Wizarding Community. Tonks remembered how it was when Sirius scaped three years ago. Now there were several criminals on the loose. It wasn't safe. The Ministry obviously blamed Sirius for this breakout. 

The lack of missions and Order meetings from last year were now replaced by meetings twice a week. Order members had to be extra careful. Be ready to an attack from the enemy side at any moment.

But the worse part for Tonks was her mother's reaction. The day the news were published on the Daily Phophet, Andromeda cried all day. Bellatrix was one of the convicts that scaped. Andromeda rarely spoke about her sister. Tonks knew she stopped talking to her when her mother married Ted. And Tonks also knew she was a death eater. One of the worst. Tonks knew she was supposed to be her aunt. But she didn't feel anything for that witch. She was a stranger to her. 

But for Andromeda it was hard. She was her sister once. Andromeda locked herself up in her room the whole day. Ted would bring her what she needed. Tonks was broken hearted to see her mother like that. 

Tonks knocked her mother's room that evening. After work. Seeing there was no response, she got in.   
Andromeda was cuddled under the blankets. Tonks layed down beside her, grabbing her between her arms. Andromeda smiled stroking her arm.   
"I love you mum"  
"I love you too sweetheart" she answered. There was a pause and Andromeda sighed  
"Just be careful, okay? She might..."  
"I'll be careful. I promise" Tonks kissed her mother's cheek. And they both went to sleep. 

Andromeda didn't mention Bellatrix after that. And Ted and Tonks tried not to ask anything else. 

* * *

23th January 1996

The Phophecy was now double guarded. The Order knew it was a matter of time until Death eaters came after it. Everyday, Tonks was supposed to check The entrance to the Department of Mysteries. As well as everyone on the Order who worked at The Ministry. According to Dumbledore, if You Know Who got it, Harry would be in terrible danger. So as the entire Wizarding World.   
No pressure. 

Tonks turn to check was in the afternoons. She had to look casual and not raise suspicions. That afternoon she walked by pretending to take a cup of tea to a Mr. Ranchet. (That name has been given to the Order to be able to enter without problem). Tonks didn't know who the man was, but everytime it worked. Tonks was walking the halls when someone called her.   
"Miss Nymphadora"  
Tonks jumped and the tea was spilled.   
"Shit!"  
"I'm sorry. I will help you clean"  
It was Liam Rogers. A higher ranked auror. A handsome one. He was actually popular amongst ladies at the Ministry.   
"Liam! I told you not to call me that, please"  
"Sorry" he smiled "Miss. Tonks then"   
"Better" Tonks said awkwardly. Shit. Now the tea was ruined. How was she going to pass? She needed to find another excuse. She started walking when Liam stopped her.  
"Miss Tonks..."   
"Just Tonks"  
"Tonks" he smiled "I was wondering if you would like to have a butterbeer or something this weekend"   
Oh fuck. Was he asking her out?  
"With who?" she asked nervously  
Liam smiled again "With me"  
Tonks laughed nervously.   
"That sounds lovely"   
Liam seemed beamed   
"But I'm busy this weekend"  
Crying over a gay werewolf  
"Oh!" Liam seemed sad "That's okay then. Maybe we can arrange something..."  
But Tonks was eyeing her watch.  
"Shit! It's almost time!"  
"For what?" Liam asked  
"I... I have to go! Sorry!" Tonks ran towards the Department. Tonks hoped no death eater stole the Phophecy while she was having that conversation.


	8. Chapter 8

8th February 1996

"Dear Charlie,

I'm so stupid. I rejected a super cute bloke because of Remus. Fuck! Am I so hopeless? The full moon was last Sunday and I showed up at Grimmaund Place without any good reason. (I just wanted to see Remus). I told Sirius I was looking for my gloves. That I left them over Christmas. How pathetic is that? I think he can tell.   
Remus has a new scar on his left hand. And I just wanted to touch it. Oh Merlin!  
Charlie, please tell me what to do!  
I miss you babe,

Love,  
Tonks"

* * *

10th February 1996

"Dear Tonks

Or should I say, Stupid girl? Yes. You are very stupid. Go on a date with that sexy bloke! GO! Snog him or shag him or something. And please. Stop seeing Remus unless is really necessary. And stop fantasizing about his scars! That's gross.   
Dragons are amazing. Did you know they can fly for 42 hours without getting tired? 

Yours,  
Charlie"

* * *

12th February 1996

Tonks walked directly to Liam's office. She saw some witches talking to him, hopefully. They giggled like stupid birds. 

"Hey Rogers!" she shouted. Fuck. Everyone looked at her. Liam was amused. Tonks blushed. Why did she had to act so awkwardly?  
"Tonks?"  
"Doing something on Valentine's?" she asked  
"No?" he smiled hopefully  
"Fancy going out for butterbeers with me?"  
"Wicked!" Liam cleared his throat "I would love to"  
"Lovely. See you then"  
Tonks turned around and stormed out of there. Her cheeks blushed and red as Gryffindor color. And she ignored the comments and giggles from the witches. She had to move on. Remus would never want her. She had to move on.

* * *

14th February 1996

Liam was nice. Liam was handsome. Liam was interested in her. Liam was not a werewolf. Liam was single. Liam was not Remus. 

Tonks sighed as she got ready. This was good. Maybe Liam was better than she had expected. And maybe she could finally get over Remus. It was fine. At least he was her friend. 

Tonks met Liam at The Leaky Cauldron for a drink. 

The encounter was pretty awkward when they said hello. Liam leaned to kiss her cheek while she gave him her hand to shake. Then she hit his nose while trying to lean in this time. Liam was nice, he just laughed. 

The Leaky Cauldron was full of Wanted Posters of the convicted death eaters. Including Bellatrix which made Tonks felt sad and uneasy. There were also Wanted posters of Sirius. Him screaming at the top of his lungs, like a mad man. Which brought Remus to Tonks' head once again. 

"So want do you want to drink?" Liam asked as they took a seat.   
"A butterbeer is fine" she smiled  
Liam nodded and went to take their drinks. Tonks sighed. What did she had to be so awkward?   
Liam was back with the butterbeers. He smiled as he stared at Tonks, which made her uncomfortable.   
"So what do you..."  
"You look pretty..."  
They both said at the same thing.  
Tonks smiled "Thanks"   
"I'm gonna be honest Nymph... Tonks" he said "I been wanting to ask you out for a while now"  
"Really?"   
He nodded "You're are absolutely impressive, you are cute and act like a child, and I love your badass look"  
Tonks blushed. Liam was being too nice, she wasn't used to it.   
"Well you're pretty impressive yourself Liam..."   
Liam laughed. He had a pretty nice laughter. Tonks blushed.  
"So... Tonks" Liam continued "Are you into Quidditch? Because I will kill you if you are not..." 

* * *

Hours and hours passed and Tonks got lost in conversation. She hadn't had such a great time with someone in a long time. Liam had the perfect loving family, he had been in Ravenclaw a few years ahead of Tonks.  
"Funny we never bumped into each other at Hogwarts. I don't understand why I never noticed you"  
"I was a pretty looser back then..." Tonks joked  
Liam was a fan of The Chudley Canons. He loved the music that Tonks enjoyed. Though he didn't know any muggle music, he was a pureblood.  
"You have to listen to Oasis. They are so incredible, although I'm into oldies because of my dad"  
"I will I promise. I find muggle culture fascinating" Liam smiled "Promise you will make me listen to your favorite muggle bands next time?"  
Tonks swallowed. There will be a next time?   
"I promise" she smiled.

* * * 

Tonks had totally forgotten about Remus the whole time she spent with Liam. Tonks was happy she accepted to date Liam. He was very interesting and perhaps Tonks thought something could happen. At least they could be friends. 

Liam walked her home. That way they could have time to talk, thing they couldn't do if they apparated. 

"....I didn't want to write the essay with the stupid of Jenny. She was a bitch to me. Luckily the weird ginger bloke accepted my offer..." Tonks laughed "Funny. He became my best friend after that"

Tonks was talking about her life so easily. And after all she was a Hufflepuff. They were known to talk to much and be social. But with Liam it was easier. 

"What is his name?" Liam answered "Perhaps I know him"  
"Charlie Weasley?"  
"Like in Arthur Weasley?"  
Tonks nodded "Arthur is his dad"  
"Oh..." Liam said thinking "And what did you end up doing the essay about?"  
"Werewolves" Tonks sighed.   
"Disgusting" Liam giggled.

Tonks stopped walking abruptly.   
"What did you say?"   
"Oh" Liam snorted "It's just that werewolves are disgusting creatures. I can believe they exist or they are not locked up. They are a danger to society"

Tonks anger raised and she clinched her fingers on her palm. She needed to control herself.  
"Not every werewolf is like that" she tried to stay calm or start a fight with Liam. He was nice, wasn't he?  
"Of course they are" he answered like it was the most normal thing to say "They don't control what they do Tonks. They are killers"  
Tonks swallowed hard   
"It should be legal to hunt them again. My grand grand father used to... I don't like those freaks"  
Tonks hair and cheeks were bright red by now.   
"What happened to your hair?" Liam didn't know Tonks was metamorphmagus.   
SMACK.  
Tonks slapped Liam across his face "SHUT UP!"  
He looked at Tonks in surprised "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A FUCKING PREJUDICED BLOKE LIAM!" she yelled. Tonks had her wand on her hand now. Wizards and witches stared at them as they passed by.   
"You know? There are werewolves that are more human than you will EVER BE! And YES! I'm a freak to your PERFECT little shit whole I guess. I am a metamorphmagus! What now? Are you going to say you don't like me? That I should be HUNTED!? Or KILLED!"  
"What THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Liam asked now angry "I wasn't saying anything about you. What? You know a freaking werewolf?"  
"As a matter of fact YES! LIAM! And he is more of a man that you'll ever be!"   
Tonks considered using her wand but it wasn't worth it. Instead she kicked Liam on the balls.  
"OUCH!!" Liam moaned as he dropped to the floor.  
"FUCKING TOSSARD!" Tonks yelled before apparating.

* * *

"Dear Charlie,

I don't think I can be over Remus. I don't think someone could be as wonderful as Remus is.   
And Liam was a big wanker.  
Sorry love, I've tried.

Tonks"

* * *

Tonks apparated back to her house. She was too upset. She had tears on her eyes. Tonks didn't know if it was the anger at Liam, the fact that she felt stupid or the fact that she couldn't get Remus out if her head. But she was crying. Tonks felt so stupid crying, he hated to cry but she was bloody crying. 

Tonks entered though the dark of the place. Tonks didn't know what time it was but it must've been late. 

"Dora?" Tonks heard her mother whispered from the kitchen. She came to see her.  
"Darling are you okay?"  
Seeing her mother made Tonks sob even more.   
"Oh sweetheart" Andromeda hugged her  
"I love him mum" Tonks said on her mother's shoulder "I bloody love him"


	9. Chapter 9

6th March 1996

Tonks told everything to her mother. She listened and comforted her daughter. But Tonks knew her too well. Andromeda was not happy that her mother was in love with an older gay werewolf. Specially if Tonks was suffering because of that. But Andromeda didn't say anything. And they just hugged. Tonks was grateful. 

March was an intense month for the Order. News came from different sources that Dolores Umbrigde was completely changing Hogwarts. The Ministry was controlling everything to Cornelius will. Sirius told everyone that Harry and his friends were not happy about these changings. And that Hogwarts was not the same. And Snape had been too busy to tell everyone about the Occlumency classes progress. 

Lies came every day in the Phophet. Harry was either portraited as a sick dillusional boy or a poor lad brainwashed by Dumbledore. Who wasn't in the meetings still. 

Only members of the Order seem to know the truth. Low key attacks were occuring and no one was blaming You Know Who or the death eaters. There was always someone else's fault. 

Tonks duties hadn't changed luckily. And she found out through Moody and sometimes Sirius, that Remus had been spending time with the werewolves again.   
"Dumbledore is using him" Sirius told her one afternoon "He acts too strong, you know? But I know he doesn't like other werewolves. If I could just leave this bloody house ..." Sirius took a large gulp if his drink. It was normal to see Sirius with a drink or a bottle in hand these days. 

Tonks was worried about Remus. And she wished she could help him and go with him during these visits. 

* * *

10th March 1996

Remus returned from the werewolves just in time for his birthday. Tonks was invited to a secret party on Grimmaund Place.   
"Molly is preparing Moony a lunch of course" Sirius told her "But I was planning a party for the night. Only young people, you know?"  
"Then Remus would not be allowed to come to his own party" Tonks joked  
Sirius laughed "Nice Pinky One!" she hit her palm. Then he sighed deeply "I want this too be special, it's the first birthday I spend with him after..."   
James and Lily. Tonks felt bad for Sirius. He had been suffering lately. And he really loved Remus, Tonks could not medle into that.  
"We need to have fun then" she smiled. Sirius smiled back. 

That afternoon Grimmaund Place had blasting music sounding through the halls. Kreacher who had been back from his disappearence a few weeks ago, had locked himself in his little cupboard. 

Bill and Fleur were very happy, sitting close and Tonks could tell they were holding hands. She smirked to herself. Kingsley was also there chatting with Emmeline who looked so gorgeous in black dress and red lipstick. 

Remus was in a good mood. He looked handsome with his large sweater. 

"Happy Birthday looser" Tonks hugged him. Then she gave him his present.   
"My favorite chocolate" he had a big smirk on his face "Dora... You spoil me"   
"Well give it back then.." Tonks teased  
"Nop" Remus said like a little child "It's mine now!"   
Tonks smiled. 

They danced and chatted for hours. Bill and Fleur had been so touchy the whole evening and Tonks wondered if there was something happening between them. 

"You like her, don't you?" Tonks teased as Bill watched her chatting eagerly with Sirius in French.   
"She is amazing and beautiful... And I haven't felt this way about anyone..." Bill blushed  
"Billy is in love..." Tonks laughed.  
"Shut up! So do you..."   
Tonks went pale. "What??"  
"You're too obvious, you know?" Bill smiled gesturing at Remus who was talking with Kingsley and Emmeline happily.  
"I..."  
"And Charlie might have mentioned it..."   
"Bloody wanker" Tonks murmured "Are you gonna say..."  
Tonks expected Bill to tell her that Remus was older and a werewolf, that she should forget about him but instead he said:  
"I hope it works out for you. Remus is a good lad"   
Tonks smiled. She could've kissed him. She kissed his cheek instead.   
"I hope it works out for you and Fleur" 

* * *

After a while, Bill and Fleur left. Tonks didn't know if they were going to spend the night together but she didn't want to know anyway. Kingsley said he had to work early the next day and Emmeline said she couldn't left her poor husband worry that much. Which left Tonks and the gay lovers alone. She was the thrid wheel again. 

"This is fun!" Tonks declared a few drinks later. She had been drinking a lot "I didn't know that spending some time with 30 year olds could be cool"  
"Excuse you! You're a baby" Remus said happily. He was drunk "Actually what are you doing here? Your mommy must be wondering where you are..."  
"Fuck off!" Tonks drank even more.  
"We're cool 30 year olds Pinky One" Sirius winked having his own drink "But I wish I could be young again. Remember Moony the first time you got drunk?"  
"No.." Remus said sarcastically  
"Oh please tell me about it!" Tonks was curious  
"Don't you dare Pads..."  
"It was his fifteen birthday..." Sirius continued  
"Sirius..." Remus covered his face.  
"We sneaked to The Three Broomsticks and he got waisted... I had to carry him back" Sirius laughed. So as Tonks  
"And he kept insulting me..."  
"Didn't.."  
"Did! You said nasty things to me" Sirius laughed even more.   
"You deserved it. I'm pretty sure" Remus defended himself.   
Tonks just smiled. There where so many things Remus had lived without her. She was jelaous.

* * *

Some time later, the three of them were pretty drunk. But Tonks was still conscious. She didn't trust her drunk self to say something stupid or confess her feelings. But Remus was knackered.   
"I 'ate this song!" he declared as he stood up to change the record. But he almost fell.   
He cracked up laughing as Sirius held him.  
"Enough boose for you babe" Sirius said amused.   
"Ba' is ma' birthday! I'm the birthday boy!" Remus made a pout. He looked so adorable as drunk.  
Sirius smiled with heart eyes.   
"Okay..." he laughed "I know baby but you need to rest now..."  
"Naah..." Remus let himself dropped on Sirius' arms "Ma' legs are funny, Sirius. Like jelly..."   
Sirius laughed "Pinky One... A little help?"   
"Oh yeah" Tonks had been watching amused. 

They took Remus to his bed. He collapsed there moaning. He stunk of alcohol. Remus giggled as Sirius put him under the covers. Sirius was smiling madly in love. Tonks felt like she was interfering. 

"He is really a bad drunk, isn't he?" Tonks asked smiling.  
"He is adorable" Sirius said "He is still my Moony"  
Tonks faked a smile.  
"You like him, don't you?" Sirius asked.  
Tonks almost choked on her saliba.  
"What?"  
Sirius smiled "I mean, he is your friend"  
Tonks snorted "Yes, of course. I like him" she loved him "So as you. You guys are fun"  
"You're pretty good yourself, Pinky One" Sirius said.  
Tonks blushed.  
"Can you watch him until I clean downstairs and change into something more comfortable?" he asked  
"Of course!"   
"You can sleep here if you want" Sirius said "There're plenty of rooms"  
"Cheers Sirius"   
Sirius smiled and left. 

After a while, Remus moved and opened his eyes a bit.   
"Dora?"  
"Lupin?" Tonks smiled "Don't tell me you want to puke"  
Remus laughed "I really really like you, you know?"   
Tonks heart started beating fast.  
"You're a cool friend"   
Tonks swallowed   
"You're a good friend too"   
Remus closed his eyes for a bit. Tonks thought perhaps he was asleep but then he moved again.  
"Pads?" he asked  
Tonks sniffed kind of hurt   
"He's downstairs"  
"I love him... I love Pads" Remus murmured and began snoring.   
Tonks let out the breath she had been holding for the past hour. And tears escaped her eyes. She cried silently hoping Sirius would take a long time.

* * *

21st April 1996

Dumbledore had been overthrown from his Headmaster position for 'Conspiring against the Ministry'. He was supposed to go to Azkaban but he managed to escaped. Kingsley told everyone at The Order the tale of how.

"It was wicked, you should've seen it"

Kingsley also told everyone about an organization Harry and his friends had been building called Dumbledore's Army. To rebel against Umbrigde and her authority and also learn some defensive spells. While many at The Order were concerned including Molly, Sirius couldn't be prouder of his godson.

"James would've been proud. Harry is breaking the rules and for a good cause. I knew he had it in him, didn't I tell you Moony?"  
"Yes Pads, but now he is in trouble"   
"Who cares?" Tonks answered "I think Harry and his friends are such badasses"  
"That's the attitude Pinky!" Sirius beamed.

But now Umbridge was Headmistress of Hogwarts and Harry and his friends were severly punished. 

"It was her who approved that law" Remus commented over Tonks' shoulder as she read The Prophet. "The one forbiddeing to hire werewolves?"  
Remus looked so miserable now. Tonks hugged him without thinking.   
"I'm sorry Rem"   
Remus smiled awkwardly "It's okay" he said "I hope that bitch goes down"   
Tonks laughed "Me too"   
Remus was smiling at her. Tonks just stared. Something about Remus was pulling her in...  
She wasn't about to kiss him, was she?

"May a have a word, Remus?" Mad Eye interrupted "We have information about him, Greyback..."  
"Of course" Remus cleared his throat. Tonks blushed.  
As Remus walked by, Moody intensely looked at Tonks with his magical eye.   
"What? Do I have something on my face?"   
"Constant vigilance Tonks" Moody said "Constant vigilance"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains a scene written by JK Rowling in Wizarding World about Remus and Tonks. What she wrote will be between * , Because it is not mine. 
> 
> I will put the link about these scene below.

22nd May 1996

The month passed quickly. Tonks had a lot of work. Liam had been more of an asshole to her. He bearly spoke to her and tried to flirt with every witch possible, when Tonks was around. Tonks didn't give a shit. He was a wanker.

The Order was also full of work for the increasing attacks, which were blamed on someone else. There was no Dark Mark behind. But The Order knew that they were death eaters. Tonks tried to avoid missions with Remus. But her luck had something else prepared for her.

"You're up with Remus this Friday" Moody told her before she left home  
"What? No no no..."  
But Moody ignored her "We suspect there's activity in a house that used to belong to a death eater"  
"There must be someone else that I can be paired with" Tonks said quickly "That's what you told me, didn't you? To stay away from him"  
"I just said to be careful" Moody sighed "And it's not my decision. But Dumbledore's"   
Tonks sighed "Have you spoken to him?"  
"No..." Moody responded angrily "He just sends me letters or patronuses. To me and Snape"  
Tonks just rolled her eyes.   
"This war is bigger than your crush Tonks"  
"I know!" Tonks yelled "And it's not a crush"   
Since there was nothing else to say, Tonks prepared to leave.  
"Tonks..."   
She turned around.   
"I'm gonna say this once" Moody looked around to see no one was listening "You deserve... " He cleared his throat "You deserve the best"  
Tonks smiled watching how Mad Eye blushed. And she couldn't help it. She went to hug him.   
"Thank you!"  
"That's enough!! Get off me!" Moody protested.

* * *

24th May 1996

Tonks apparated to Grimmaund Place at 5pm. She breathed in and out. Moody was right, the war was bigger than her love problems. So she had to hold it together. 

Tonks entered the place to hear screaming. And not screams from Mrs. Black Portrait as she expected but from the people living in there. Remus and Sirius were fighting again. 

"YOU SHOULD STOP BEING BITTER AND DRINKING SO MUCH"  
"WHAT DO WANT ME TO DO? STARE AT THE FUCKING CEILING? I CANNOT GET OUT!"   
"I'M SORRY SIRIUS BUT IT'S NOT MY FREAKING FAULT"  
"YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOU WHO IS LOCKED UP, NOT BEING ABLE TO PROTECT YOUR GODSON"  
"I CARE ABOUT HARRY AS MUCH AS YOU DO. AND I'M SORRY YOU'RE SPENDING A HORRIBLE TIME STUCK HERE WITH ME"   
There was silence. And Tonks didn't know what to do. But they needed to leave now. Moody had said specifically at dawn.   
"Remus?" she asked and her voice echoed through the empty house.  
"Coming!" Remus yelled back "I'm sorry Sirius I have a mission with Dora"   
"Yeah, go and have fun with her. I'll be here, like always"   
In that moment Tonks wished the walls weren't so thin. 

A few seconds later Remus appeared on the living room. He looked sad but still he smiled at Tonks. She smiled back.  
"Everything okay?"   
"Yeah, he is just grumpy" Remus said still smiling "Ready to go?"   
Tonks nodded.

* * * 

An hour later they were hiding behind some trush cans, pretending to be random muggles who were having a fag. So they could see any moment from the house.   
"But I don't smoke" Tonks said as Remus offered her a fag  
Remus laughed "Yeah of course you don't, you're a child"  
"Asshole" Tonks rolled her eyes  
"Just hold it on your hand and let's chat"   
"What do you want to chat about?"  
"Anything you like"   
"Do you think it would be suspicious if I have a lolly?  
Remus laughed amused "Only you will want a lolly on a dangerous mission"   
"I'm nervous..." Tonks protested  
Remus stared at her.  
"What?"  
"Nothing..."  
"What?"   
"You're out of this world, you know that?"  
Tonks blushed.  
"Stop saying stupid things"  
He laughed as he lit his cigarette. And Tonks had her sweet. 

Tonks stared as Remus smoked. How he took long drags and let the smoke out. How his neck and mouth moved. He was an expert. He looked so handsome, like an adult. Not like a stupid boy trying to look cool.  
Remus find Tonks eyes and smiled. She obviously blushed.   
"What's going on with Sirius?" she asked trying to brake the ice "Is he okay?"   
Remus shook his head rather sad "He has to spend the whole day in the place he hated as a kid"  
"His parents were bad to him?"   
Remus nodded "He has nightmares almost every night" he said looking up front "Sometimes about his parents, sometimes about his brother (who is dead), and sometimes about... James... and Lily"   
Tonks felt bad for Sirius.   
"Poor thing"  
"I know that he isn't supposed to go out" Remus said "But I'm planning of getting him out for a bit. Just as Padfoot and don't worry we will have all the care in the world..." Remus looked at Tonks "Would you keep that secret for us?"  
"Sure" Tonks smiled "I totally understand. I would go mad if I had to spend in the same place a long time"  
"Yeah..." Remus responded rather sad 

* * * 

A few hours later they had talk about many things and laughed a lot. Remus was now on his fifth cig. Tonks told him about his boyfriend Roger back at Hogwarts and Remus told her how he and Sirius got together. 

"I wasn't sure if he liked me back" he said laughing a little "He was one of the most handsome boys at Hogwarts... And I was very awkward and skinny" 

Tonks smiled imagining young Remus having a crush on his friend. He must've been so cute. Remus was still cute. But no! Tonks was supposed to get over Remus. She cleared her throat.

*"He’s still handsome, isn’t he, even after Azkaban?"* Tonks tried to joke a bit. But Remus response was not happy.  
*"He always got the women"* he replied looking away from her.  
Tonks didn't know what was going on with him. Was he jelaous? Has he scared that Tonks had fallen for him? If only Remus knew she was madly in love with him, not Sirius. Tonks got desperate, how could he be so blind?  
*"You’d know perfectly well who I’ve fallen for, if you weren’t too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice."* she answered angrily.  
Shit. That didn't came out right. Tonks was so stupid. She immediately regretted saying anything. Remus just looked at her shocked and it seemed that he felt pity for her.   
"I..." Tonks wanted to say it was a joke or something. But before she could continue Remus shut her up.

"Shhhh" he said "Did you hear that?"   
"What.."  
Remus pulled her to the floor taking out his wand.   
"I think I heard something around the house"  
Tonks didn't answer. She was too overwhelmed.  
"I'll go and check"  
"Remus, no...."  
"It's okay...Stay here" Remus stood up and walked away.   
Tonks heart bit fast as she waited for Remus to return. Million thoughts ran through her mind. 

It seemed like ages until Remus returned.   
"False alarm. It was a bloody cat" he said "I reckon we can go"  
Remus tried to help her stand up but she rejected his hand.   
"Let's go" she said angrily and walked away  
Remus sighed and followed her.

* * *

Dear Charlie,

I told him. Actually, I just yell my feelings at Remus. I'm so stupid. He pretended not to hear anything and avoided the subject.   
I need you babe,

Tonks.

* * *

Dear Tonks,

I'm sorry what? He sounds like a total wanker! But again, he is supposed to be gay and in love with another bloke? I'm so sorry babe. I think I could make it this year for Christmas. I wish I were there with you.

Charlie

* * *

18th June 1996 

Tonks didn't have more missions the next week. And she was really angry and embarrassed towards Remus. She told him how she felt and Remus didn't say anything. He acted like nothing happened.

As days passed, Tonks anger turned into embarrassment and all she wanted to do was apologize. She shouldn't be angry at Remus. It wasn't his fault not to love her back or be in love with somebody else. 

All that was running through Tonks mind, when an owl hit her bedroom's window. 

'Come to Grimmaund Place now! Something urgent happened.   
Moody'

Tonks face went pale. But she didn't have time to think what might've happened. Tonks put some robes on and apparated quickly.

* * *

"What happened?" Tonks managed to say. She was more calmed now that she saw that Remus and Sirius were okay. Moody and Kingsley were also there.  
"We don't know" Moody spoke first "Snape send a message. He is coming right now"  
"Bloody asshole" Sirius said bitterly "It's probably nothing"  
Tonks could see him and Remus were okay again. Shit. 

While they waited for Snape, Tonks found the opportunity to talk to Remus, since Sirius was pouring himself a drink.  
"I'm sorry about the other day" Tonks said embarrassed looking down  
"What are you talking about?" Remus asked smiling  
"You know"   
"Don't worry about it Dora" Remus said   
"But I..."  
Remus simply kissed her on the cheek.  
"I'm not angry with you or anything..."

Snape arrived through the chimney. His expression was unreadable, but usually that's how it was.  
"Black..." he sighed "I see you're alive and well..."  
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked impatiently "Speak quickly!"  
"What are we doing here Snape?" Moody asked.  
"Apparently The Dark Lord placed a false imagine on Potter's mind, one of you being tortured"  
"WHAT?"   
"Potter believes you are in danger..."  
"He is leading him to the Prophecy..." Moody concluded.

But Sirius had already his wand out, pointing at Snape.  
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TEACH HIM TO BLOCK THAT CONNECTION"  
"Save it" Snape simply pushed Sirius' wand away "I tried but Potter didn't collaborate and he was very stubborn...to learn"  
"Liar! You stopped because he saw your memory of Lily... Didn't you?"  
Snape was now furious.  
"What are you talking about?" Tonks asked curiously.  
"It doesn't matter!" Remus said "This means that Harry is in danger"  
"Yes" Snape said "Him and a group of his friends went to The Ministry..."  
"Let's go..." Sirius was putting on a cloak.  
"Are you insane Black?" Moody asked. "You're not going to the Ministry"  
"Excuse me. I have to go back, to not raise suspicions..." Snape crossed the fire and left.  
"I don't give a shit..."  
"Sirius..."  
"I don't give shit about what is save or not!" Sirius continued "I've been fucking locked up in this bloody house for almost a year. And I've obeyed. But not when Harry is in danger..."  
"Black..."  
But Sirius raised his wand, pointing to all of them.  
"I'M WILLING TO KNOCK ALL OF YOU OUT AND GO BY MYSELF. OR WE CAN GO TOGETHER...IT'S YOUR DECISION"  
"You're a fool Black"  
"Well Moody, what's the point?" Kingsley interrupted "There's nothing we can do, and we will need more wands..."  
"We are loosing time!" Tonks said. She was staring to get desperate.  
"Whatever" Moody said and Sirius lower his wand.   
"Sirius..." Remus went to him, speaking with a low but scared voice "Please just stay here..."   
Remus had tears on his eyes now.  
"Moony... I have to go..."   
"I don't want to loose you.."   
Sirius grabbed Remus face, looking into his eyes. Everyone looked away, this seemed private. Except for Tonks. She couldn't look away.   
"You won't loose me Moony, I promise..." Sirius said and kissed Remus forehead.   
"Let's go..." Sirius said to the others. Sirius crossed first. Followed by Moody and Kingsley. Remus smiled at Tonks before crossing. Tonks took a deep breath before going after them. This was a real fight, a real duel. The war was finally starting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hypable.com/tonks-lupin-relationship-history-remus-patronus-pottermore-jk-rowling/amp/


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Sirius death! This one is sad. Please don't read if you're in a bad mental place

19th June 1996

Tonks woke up and all she knew was that she had a great headache. When her sight adjusted, she could see that she wasn't on her bed, but in a strange room. Mostly everything was white and clean. Tonks could recognize her mother sitting on a chair beside her. And Ted pacing worried by the end of the bed.

"Where am I?" she asked with her voice hoarse.  
"No.. no... darling lay down" Andromeda whispered "You must be dizzy still"  
Indeed Tonks was very dizzy.  
"You're in St. Mungo's, sweetheart" Ted answered carefully.  
She layed down again and as she did, flashes of everything that happened the day before, came to her. The Battle. Bellatrix, her bloody aunt, and how insane she was. How Tonks got distracted checking if Remus was okay, and how she was knocked out.  
"Remus..." She stood up, ignoring how everything around her started to turn "Is he okay? Harry? Sirius?... The Prophecy?"  
"Relax darling everything is fine" Andromeda tried to smile but she was crying.  
"What happened?" she asked Ted because Andromeda was now sobbing.  
Ted sighed "The Prophecy is safe. But now The Ministry and the whole Wizarding World know You Know Who is back"  
"And Remus?... And everyone?..."  
"Remus is fine, everyone got out alive... except..." Ted looked at his daughter "Except Sirius"

It was as if Tonks received a punch on her stomach, so hard that let her out of breath. She started shaking her head in denial. And Andromeda hugged her crying. Ted explained further. 

"He was hit by a curse and fell into the veil. There was nothing that could have been done. I'm sorry princess"  
Tonks swallowed her tears. Tonks felt so guilty and stupid. She really liked Sirius, she really did. And there were times she thought he should leave Remus alone. That she was jelaous of him. But not like this, never like this.

"Remus.... He must be hurting"  
Remus was in love with Sirius. He must've been dying without his love.  
"I need to go to him. He needs me"  
"Dora..." her mother said.  
"I have to... I have to be with him. Where is he?"  
"Dora not right now. You need to rest" Ted said.  
But Tonks ignored him. She was standing up.  
"Dora..." he mother touched her arm. And Ted stopped her.  
"Let me go dad. I need to be with Remus... He is all alone right now" Tonks struggled to leave  
"Dora... Please" her mom begged.  
"REMUS NEEDS ME. HE NEEDS ME!" Tonks yelled and before she could avoid it, she brusted into tears.  
Her parents hugged her and comfort her.  
"It's okay sweetie. You will see him. It's okay" he mother said.  
And Tonks gave into the hug sobbing. 

* * *

20th June 1996

Tonks was forced to rest the day before but she couldn't sleep at all. All Tonks could think was how life was so unfair to those who didn't deserve it. What would happen now? What was she supposed to feel about Remus? Tonks promised herself to put her feelings aside and be a friend for Remus. He would need someone to be there for him and take care of him, someone to talk to. Tonks wasn't going to force him into something. 

Remus had moved out of Grimmaund Place. The place was unbearable to be in. And since the rightful owner was... gone, the Order didn't know what to do with it. Remus was returning to his old flat. The one he lived in all those years, the one him and Sirius shared once.

Tonks helped him to move all his things because he didn't have the energy to do it. Actually, Remus didn't own many things. Tonks tried to be as careful as possible. Remus had not cried since Tonks saw him, but he was numb. Remus had a sad expression, moving slowly. 

They layed down the boxes. And Remus sat down, very tired. Tonks sighed thinking what to say, do or offer. When she saw Remus' shoulders shaking.  
"Remus..."  
And Remus began sobbing.  
"I just watched him go... I couldn't do anything I just watched him go..."  
"Oh Remus..."  
Tonks sat next to Remus hugging him. She felt her robes wetting wet for Remus' tears.  
"My Pads... Sirius.... Padfoot come back..."  
Remus layed down his head on Tonks lap, sobbing and shaking, like a little kid.  
"P-padf-foot! My p-padf-foot... Come b-back..."  
"Shh shh shh..." Tonks whispered "I'm sorry Rem... I'm sorry"  
That made Remus cried even harder. And tears scaped from Tonks eyes. It hurt so much seeing Remus like this. And Tonks promised she would do everything in her power to make Remus' suffering stop.

* * * 

Tonks spent everyday with Remus. She had to return to work but she would go to Remus' flat after. Sometimes Tonks would make Remus get out of bed, because he was too sad to get up, or prepare him meals. Tonks would try to make Remus smile. Which was a very difficult task. He was either crying or numb.  
And on the weekends Tonks would spend the whole day there, even sleep there for his mother's dislike. Remus was grateful, he would always thank her or try to smile at her, or even obey Tonks with what she asked. 

* * *

29th June 1996

That Saturday, the sun was shining, the day was beautiful and it was a Saturday so they had all day. Remus had refused to eat dinner last night and simply went to sleep. Tonks had heard him crying.

Tonks got out of the sofa. She was sleeping there since she didn't want to invade Sirius' space. Tonks went to the bedroom to see Remus cuddled in bed. Thank Merlin he was sleeping. Tonks opened the curtains.

"Raise and shine, old man..." she smiled.  
Remus moaned in his sleep.  
"What are you doing Dora?" he murmured.  
"I was thinking..." she sat down in bed "It's a beautiful day, you need to get out..."  
"Mmm..." Remus covered his face with the pillow.  
"Don't be a bitter grandpa..." Tonks joked poking him "You're gonna like what I have planned..."  
Remus didn't respond but sighed "What?" the sound came muffed by the pillow.  
"It's one of my favorite muggle things" Tonks continued "Roller skating..."  
Remus got the pillow off his face, finally Tonks could see him. Remus had puffed eyes and bags under them. He looked skinny and tired.  
"You really are a child, you know that?" he slithly smiled  
"Shut up" Tonks smiled as well. 

Tonks took Remus to a skating rink. The same one Ted used to take her when she was little. The majority of people there were kids and teens. All laughing. Tonks got excited.  
"Yes! I love skating"  
"I'm not getting in there..."  
"Why?"  
"It's full of children like your yourself"  
"Don't be a bogger..." Tonks pulled him.  
Remus shook his head slowly. He seemed tired. "Dora..."  
"Lupin..." Tonks gave him her brightest smile "Please?"  
Remus sighed "Fine..." 

They skated for a while. Remus seemed to have skated before. But he was wobbling. Tonks found it adorable. She couldn't avoid laughing. Remus ignored her shaking his head. Remus still looked sad, but at least Tonks was distracting him. 

Remus got tired after a bit.  
"I'm gonna sit down"  
"Let's go if you want"  
"Nah" he smiled slithly "You seem to enjoy it a lot. Skate for a while... Child" he muttered.  
Remus sat down and Tonks continued skating. She was enjoying herself. If she closed her eyes she could feel she was flying. Like with broom. Tonks breathed in. She was trying to relax after a long time, specially after Sirius death. And then BUM... Tonks tripped and fell over. And soon she heard a laughter. 

Remus was laughing. Laughing his butt out. It was the first time he laughed since Sirius died. And Tonks heart jumped of joy.  
"Are you laughing Remus Lupin?" she said while she stood up.  
"Sorry..." he laughed even more "It was pretty funny"  
"Shut up"  
But now, they were both laughing. Then Remus stopped adopting his sad and tired expression. Like he was guilty for laughing without him.  
"Let's go home, Dora" he said  
"Let's go" Tonks smiled at him. 

* * * 

2nd July 1996

The first full moon without Sirius was the worse. Tonks couldn't sleep all night. She went to Remus' flat the next day, very early in the morning. Remus returned from the forest with a high fever. And many more scars. Tonks had little idea about healing and had to read a lot to be able to cure Remus. 

When she finally layed him in bed, Remus held her arm before she left.  
"Please stay with me" he whispered.  
"Okay" Tonks said back and layed down next to him. She felt so out of place. Being on Sirius side of the bed. She stared at the ceiling and then at Remus.  
Remus tried smiling but he failed and he simply started crying again.  
Tonks held him on her arms.  
"H-how am I supposed to live without him, Dora?" he sobbed on her shoulder "How?"  
Tonks closed her eyes in pain. She didn't know what to reply. She just let him sleep. 

* * *

12ve July 1996

Remus was improving and so as their relationship. They became even more close. There weren't missions yet, Tonks suspected in respect for Sirius, which gave them more free time. Tonks noticed she was the only one Remus smiled to. She was the only one he trusted. And Tonks didn't know how to feel about it. She didn't want to feel happy about the fact that Remus was only hers, because the ghost of Sirius hunted her. And she felt guilty. So she tried to avoid thinking about it. 

Tonks would go to Remus' place to have dinner. She would spend a lot of time there. And her mother was not happy.  
"You should give him space" Andromeda said that afternoon as Tonks was preparing to leave.  
"He doesn't need space, he needs someone to take care of him" she answered "He needs me"  
"Dora... I understand" Andromeda continued "But think about yourself too, and your heart"  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tonks answered angrily.  
"You have feelings for him, sweetheart" Andromeda said "Don't you think that spending every day with him is going to affect you? Specially if he will not reciprocate"  
"I don't know what you're talking about" Tonks walked to the door.  
"He is using you, Dora. He is using you because he needs someone and Sirius is not here!" Andromeda said impatiently.  
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS FEELING OR WHAT HE NEEDS. HE WOULD NEVER USE ME"  
"Dora..."  
"AND SINCE WHEN YOU CARE? FOR WHAT IS WORTH, YOU LEFT YOUR COUSIN ROT IN AZKABAN, SO DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW HIM OR REMUS"

BANG. Andromeda had slapped her daughter across the face.  
"Dora" but Tonks ignored her, she picked up her things and left pissed. 

* * * 

13th July 1996

That afternoon, Tonks was reading a book to Remus on his lap, while he was stroking her hair. Tonks didn't give a damn about what Andromeda had said. She liked being with Remus, she liked being like this. Of course Tonks didn't tell Remus about the fight with her mother. Remus had other things on his mind. 

Tonks continued reading out loud. But she saw Remus' sight was lost.  
"Are you paying attention Lupin?"  
"Mmm?" Remus blinked "Of course I was..."  
"Oh yeah? What is the book about?"  
"Amm... some kids on an island..."  
"Yeah?..."  
"They killed their parents?"  
"No..." Tonks laughed.  
Remus smiled "No? I'm pretty sure you said that"  
"I didn't!"  
"Then you're reading it wrong"  
Tonks sat and hit Remus' arm "Bloody wanker I'm reading to you and you're not paying attention?"  
"It's not my fault your reading is boring..."  
"Asshole" Tonks hit him while he laughed and she laughed as well.

Tonks stopped staring into Remus eyes. He was beautiful when he was happy. He had been so strong lately. And Tonks had spent a lovely time with him. Remus sighed looking at her. Tonks heart started racing and her lips were burning. She couldn't take it anymore. Tonks kissed him. 

Tonks felt fireworks and Remus' lips were soft. They tasted like chocolate, Fireweiskey and cigarettes.  
But he pulled away.  
"Dora..." he shook his head "I can't..."  
"I'm sorry..." Tonks said "I can't stop feeling the way I do..." Tonks didn't know where this all came from but she needed to tell him.  
"Dora... don't..."  
"I love you..." she said now with tears on her eyes  
"Dora..."  
"You knew perfectly well how I feel about you, didn't you?" Tonks said full of pain.  
"Yes but..." Remus closed his eyes  
"I know that you are thinking about Sirius but he would've liked you to move on..."  
"SIRIUS IS DEAD..." he said "I don't... I don't want to talk about him"  
"And I wouldn't be telling you this, if I didn't have the slightlest idea that you feel the same way...."  
Remus sighed "Dora..."  
"Do you feel the same?" Tonks asked hopefully  
"I'm not good for you..."  
"Answer the question, Remus..." Tonks sniffed "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for me... And... I will leave you alone..."  
Remus looked at her. He was full of pain and pity. But he said:  
"I don't feel the same way..." he said "And I don't think I ever will... It's better if you forget about me" 

The pain Tonks felt was undescribable. Like someone just stabbed her chest or used the cruciatus curse on her.  
"Fine..." she managed to say. She stood up quickly getting dizzy on the process.  
"Dora..." Remus was pleading but she ignored him. She grabbed her cloak.  
"Dora..."  
But she was already gone. 

Tonks had never suffered this much in her life. None of the wankers of her ex boyfriends had hurt her this much. Tonks realized she never loved them. But she loved Remus. This was love, true love. And it hurt so so much. Tonks cried walking the streets of London. Not sure where to go. Until her panting stopped replaced by tears, the pain dragged her to the floor. She began sobbing, like Remus sobbed when Sirius died. And Tonks cried even more, because Remus would never cry for her, he would never love her and it hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

After crying in the street, for what it felt like hours, Tonks thought where to go. She couldn't go back home, not after what her mother had said and everything that happened. The only person she wanted to talk to was Charlie. But he wasn't here, and it would be a long time until he replied a letter, he was busy. But the closest to him were The Weasleys. They were some kind of Family to her and perhaps she could sleep there tonight. 

Tonks apparated to The Burrow. The Order had special protection spells around their houses, since death eaters were openly attacking right now. But luckily, since Tonks belonged to the Order, she could get through. 

Molly came quickly to receive her. But instead of hugging her like she used to, Molly raised her wand.  
"What was the song you danced with Remus on Christmas?" she asked   
Tonks sighed listening to his name "I rather go blind by Etta James"   
Molly sighed "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. The protocol, you know?"   
Tonks tried to smile but she was rather sad.  
"Darling are you okay?"   
Tonks shook her head crying again.   
"Oh sweetie" Molly hugged her and Tonks cried on her shoulder. She really needed that.   
"Let's go, inside" Molly said carefully "I'll make you a cup of tea"   
Tonks nodded and Molly put her arm around her and they both went inside. 

* * *

As Tonks entered she looked at her reflection on the little mirror on The Burrow's entrance. Her hair was not it's usual pink color but a mousy brown. Shit, perhaps it was because she had been crying. Well, she would try to change it after. She didn't have the energy.   
"Everyone is asleep" Molly explained.  
"Sorry for waking you up Molly" Tonks apologized sniffing.  
"Don't worry. I was awake anyways, waiting for Arthur" she said taking out her wand "I'll prepare some tea" 

* * * 

Tonks found herself telling Molly about her feelings. Of course she avoid telling her those were about Remus and the whole situation with Sirius. 

"Oh darling, I understand what is like to be in love and not be reciprocated" Molly said taking a sip of her own tea.  
"But you married Arthur" Tonks said sniffing and wiping her tears.   
"I wasn't talking about Arthur" Molly smirked.  
Tonks smiled.  
"It was a Ravenclaw boy I used to fancy. He was popular and had a girlfriend..." Molly smiled remembering "I recall I kissed him on The Three Broomsticks and he rejected me..."  
"Molly... I had no idea..."   
"Well... Us women he have secrets of our own" Molly sighed "Anyway, eventually I met Arthur and I realized he was the love of my life"  
Tonks smiled at that.  
"But that will not be your case sweetheart. I'm pretty sure Charlie will come around. I know he loves you..."   
Tonks couldn't avoid laughing.  
"Oh... Molly" she shook her head "I wasn't talking about Charlie..."  
"Oh..."  
"He is my friend, my best friend. But just that" Tonks tried to be careful since Charlie was Molly's son after all.   
"I just thought.... Since you two are so close"   
Tonks smiled "No"  
"Then who is is mystery guy then?" Molly asked intrigued.   
Tonks sighed "Remus" she whispered. It kind of hurt saying his name.   
Molly didn't seem happy about it. But she smiled.  
"That's why you danced with him on Christmas?"   
Tonks nodded rather sad.   
"Darling... Isn't he?... You know, isn't he a bit old for you?"  
Tonks was used to people commenting that.  
"A bit" she answered "Anyways, he doesn't like me back..."   
"Remus had suffered a lot, sweetheart" Molly said patting her shoulder "Specially loosing his friend...." she shook her head "Poor man"  
Tonks didn't answer.   
"If you would give him some time... I can talk to him..."  
"Please don't" Tonks begged   
"Alright" Molly smiled "Just remember sweety, You're a beautiful, young, smart girl and anyone would be lucky to have you"  
Yes. But Tonks didn't want anyone. She wanted Remus.   
"Thank you Molly"   
Tonks was tired. She just wanted go to sleep. Maybe she could ask Molly to stay. But Molly had reminded Tonks of her mum. She needed to apologize.   
Before Tonks spoke again, they heard a strange noise on the door. Molly silented Tonks and approached the door carefully.

Tonks saw Dumbledore arriving with Harry. She tried to be polite, but Harry reminded her of Sirius and thinking of Sirius, drove her mind to Remus and that he didn't want her. Tonks apologized and left The Burrow, wanting to talk with her mother.

* * *

14th July 1996

Tonks arrived at home the next morning, completely knackered. She just wanted to sleep.   
The minute she crossed the door, Andromeda hugged her.  
"Oh Dora... I'm so sorry" she said, and she was crying "I was bloody worried"   
Tonks tears rolled down again.  
"I'm so sorry mum. I'm sorry for what I said to you..." Tonks cried.   
"I love you darling. I really do"   
"I love you too mum"   
Both of them hugged crying on each other's shoulder.   
Tonks could see Ted watching that scene. He smiled.  
"I'll prepare some pancakes for breakfast" 

* * *

August 1996

Andromeda and Ted were surprisingly comprehensive when Tonks told them the story. Tonks was lucky, her parents were the best. They were like her best friends. 

Dumbledore finally appeared on The Order Meetings. Ever since Sirius died. He explained that Horace Slughorn, a Potion ex professor was teaching this year. He said it was important, because he had something vital for You Know Who's destruction. Dumbledore also explained, he couldn't say what it was, the least people knew the better, and that he was taking care of that. 

Emmeline Vance had been kidnapped and murdered by death eaters. Tonks was very sad. She thought Emmeline was so young, so beautiful. And she kept thinking about her husband. 

Order meetings were a torture for Tonks. Because he was there. Since Harry was now the owner of Grimmaund Place, then the Order would continue using the house. But it made Tonks sick being there since everything reminded her of Sirius. 

Tonks' ability to change her appearance was gone. Tonks didn't know if it was permanent or not. But she couldn't change. Maybe it was because she was too sad. 

"And your pink hair?" Remus had asked her after a meeting.   
"That's none of your business" Tonks replied angrily  
"I'm sorry Dora..." Remus said "I'm thinking about you. You deserve better..."  
'You don't get to say what is best for me' Tonks thought but didn't reply.  
"I miss you" Remus continued "I... "  
"If you want me to forget about you then I will need to spend some time away from you" she answered and stormed out of there. 

* * *

Tonks was willing to forget about Remus. She got busy with work and missions which were increasing. Now that everyone knew You Know Who was back, it was easier. But at the same time very exhausting. Tonks still had nightmares about Bellatrix. 

Tonks tried and tried to change her appearance. She had to concentrate hard to change into an animal or someone else. But it used to be so easy to change her hair color. Not anymore. It was stuck with that horrible mousy brown color. 

Tonks also realized something else changed. It was on a mission on late August. It wasn't with Remus, luckily but with Moody. She was glad she got him back. 

She had to warn Mad Eye about the results of an explotion on a wizard/ muggle shop in London, which convined muggle and wizard clothing. Luckily no one was there when it happened. 

Tonks closed her eyes and picture the time she went to see The Weird Sisters live with Charlie. How much they sang and danced. And bum, her patronus wasn't the shape of a hare like it used to be. But the form of a large silver wolf. Shit.


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Charlie, 

I'm sorry I've been so ungrateful. So many things had happened. I don't know how to tell you. How to even begin. Of course you know about Sirius. I'm pretty sure your family told you...  
I can't transform. Not even my hair color. I don't know why. I know it has to do with my emotions. But I'm trying to do fun or entertaining things but nothing happens. My mum reckons I should see a healer or something. But I don't think it's necessary.   
My patronus changed, you'll never guess what it is.   
Anyway, I miss you badly. I need you here. You better come for Christmas.   
Yours truly, 

Tonks.

* * *

September 1996

For the next weeks, Tonks had to patrol Hogsmade with other aurors. Specially on September 1st. It was the day Harry arrived Hogwarts. And Tonks task specifically was to keep an eye on him. All the members of the Order were assigned to take care of Harry, actually. That was the priority right now. 

Tonks wondered the shops of Hogsmade that morning, remembering all the fun she used to have with Charlie. How innocent she was. Tonks had changed a lot. 

When the train arrived, she placed herself near the entrance to make sure Harry got out of there alive. It was painful to see a couple of older students laughing and holding hands. They kissed before getting into the carriage. Shit. It used to be easy for Tonks to see couples in love, because partly she didn't believe in love. But now it was painful. 

Tonks watched many other students got off the train. She even saw Ron, Hermione and Ginny. But Harry was nowhere to be seen. Tonks started to get worried. What if something happened during the train ride? Surely Ron and Hermione would know. They didn't seem to be worried. Although she had seen them checking back once or twice. Shit. 

Tonks walked to the train. She didn't know if someone drove the train or it moved my magic. But surely she didn't had much time. Tonks remembered Harry had the Invisibility cloak, perhaps he was hiding. Tonks went to the compartment that had the blinds drawn down. And she was right. There was Harry. 

Tonks walked Harry to Hogwarts. And when she casted the patronus to warn Hagrid that Harry was okay, she remembered about Remus. Tonks got down. And the worst part was that Snape noticed. 

"The new one looks weak"* he said. Which made Tonks very angry. That was none of his business.   
And after she said goodbye, Tonks cried on the way back to Hogsmade. 

* * *

My beloved Tonksie, 

I've been thinking about you. I'm sorry for what happened to Sirius. But princess, don't blame yourself. I know it must be hard but try to relax and don't be sad. You know that is affecting you metamorphmagus abilities. You're wonderful and you don't need anyone. And if you ask me, having a wolf patronus is pretty cool. Although I'm happy with my dragon. Anyway I'm sorry love, I know it's not funny. I promise I will be there for Christmas. And we can talk.   
I love you and miss you. 

Charlie

* * * 

October 1996

Tonks spend most of her time at Hogsmade, with other aurors. Sometimes she visited Hagrid and had tea with him. Sometimes she had drinks with members of the Order or auror partners. She tried to keep herself busy. 

Dumbledore told the Order that he had a particular mission off school. He couldn't tell anyone. But Tonks was used to it. Dumbledore never told the Order anything. In the meantime, her and Bill were assigned to patrol Hogwarts' corridors in case there was some kind of danger. 

Remus had been missing in the last Order Meeting. And fuck it. Tonks couldn't avoid being worried. 

"Tonks, a word" Mad Eye had said at the end of one of those meetings.   
Tonks followed him to an empty room.   
"What's been going on with your hair?" Moody asked.  
"What do you mean? Did it fell down? Is it horrible?" Tonks was honestly tired about that question.   
"You know what I mean" Moody cleared his throat "You're not the same"   
Tonks sighed "It's none of anyone's business"   
"Tonks..."  
Tonks turned her head. She just wanted to be left alone.   
"Tonks..." Moody sighed not knowing what to say next.  
"Have you heard about him?" Tonks asked in a small voice.  
Moody sighed loudly.  
"He volunteered to take missions there..."   
"Where?"   
"With the werewolves. Making them come to our side..."  
Tonks heart jumped on her chest.   
"What? He... He volunteered?"  
Moody nodded looking at Tonks worried.  
"It was his idea, but Dumbledore was happy to send him"   
Tonks swallowed hard "How long will he stay there?"  
"I don't know... Months maybe..."  
"MONTHS?!" Tonks asked shocked "Bloody wanker" Tonks said to herself, with tears on her eyes.   
"Tonks..."  
"He is an imbecile! He plays victim now? What an asshole. Fucking wanker..."  
"Tonks..."  
"What?!" Tonks asked furiously  
"I liked your pink hair better" Moody said and with that he left.

* * * 

Dear Tonksie,

Guess who is coming this December? That's right. Me! But sorry love, it won't be for Christmas. I just have a few days free. Around my birthday actually. We can celebrate together. I reckon I owe you for being a bad friend. I heard "He Who Must not be Named" aka a werewolf dude we both know, is spending Christmas at The Burrow. Mom invited him. She said she will invite you too but I know you won't want to. So I told her not to insist much. You're welcome (she probably will though).

Love,  
Charlie

* * *

Dear Charlie,

I freaking love you! You're the best. If you were interested in marriage, I would marry you. See you on December. 

Tonks

* * *

12ve December 1996

Charlie arrived just before his Birthday. Molly had prepared dinner for Charlie's birthday that Thrusday. Although only Bill and Fleur, and the twins were invited, since the rest were still at Hogwarts. 

Tonks ran to hug Charlie the minute she arrived The Burrow that afternoon.   
"Wait darling we didn't ask the protocol question" Molly protested.  
"Don't worry mum. It's her, I could smell that bloody fish scent anywhere"   
Tonks smiled hitting him "Oi!"  
"Yes love, You're right is not you without pink hair, you look miserable" Charlie said.  
"Wanker"  
Molly hugged her son "Oh darling, are you sure you cannot stay the whole month. For Christmas?"  
"Sorry Mom. Work duties" Charlie said "You're lucky I'm here for my birthday"   
"Ungrateful boy" Molly protested  
Tonks and Charlie laughed.

* * * 

Dinner was a distraction for Tonks. Charlie met Fleur officially as Bill's fiancee and he liked her immediately. Charlie was also fascinated to know about the knew joke shop The Twins now owned.  
"How can you not be proud mum?" Charlie asked her "It sounds wonderful"   
"We are wonderful Charlie" Fred winked.   
"You need to buy at least one of each item we sell" George added.  
"Of course I'm proud" Molly said "Aren't we Arthur?"  
"Mmm? Of course!" Arthur seemed more tired than ever but he was as happy as always.   
The rest of dinner was quite relaxed. They tried to avoid either the war subject or Percy subject. Tonks knew how much they missed him.

After dinner Bill suggested to go to The Three Broomsticks for some drinks. Before they left, Tonks thanked Molly for everything as always.

"Darling. I'm so sorry about your metamorphmagus issues" Molly told her.   
"It's fine Molly"   
"I insist you come here on Christmas" Molly said "I know you don't want to see Remus but...".  
"It's okay. I have plans actually"  
"With who?" Molly asked "Your parents?"   
"Yeah sure..." Tonks didn't want to do anything actually. But she didn't want Molly to worry.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes... Molly. Thank you" 

* * * 

Tonks drank a little bit too much. And had to be carried by Charlie and Bill.   
"Org... Poog thing..." Fleur was worried.   
Bill laughed "Honestly Tonks. I've never seen you like this"  
"Then you don't know her at all" Charlie joked  
"Le's gerg her 'ome" Fleur said worried.   
"Naah... No home..." Tonks managed to say. She didn't want her mother to yell at her.   
"The Burrow?" Bill suggested   
"Mum would kill us if she found out we let her drink" Charlie reminded them.   
"She can sleep at ours, Charlie boo" One of the twins said.   
"Charlie boo?" Bill asked amused  
"Indeed Billy boo" another twin said "At our flat"  
"We are responsible adults"  
"We will take care of her"   
Fleur laughed "Yourg still young" she commented.  
"You're right babe" Bill laughed "They're babies"  
"Shut up" both twins said at the same time.  
Tonks started to giggle for some reason.   
"It's actually a good idea" Charlie said "Actually can I crush there too? I'm a bit dizzy as well"  
"10 galleons the night"   
"15 if you want breakfast"   
"Bloody assholes" Charlie smiled "I've missed you all" 

The twins accommodated Tonks and Charlie on the sofa. Which had been engorgioed a bit.   
"Cheers... Fred and Goerge" Tonks said drunkily "Do you want to know a secret?"  
"Yes?" one of them asked amused   
"I've never recognize you. I don't bloody know who is who?" Tonks said. And everyone stared at her. She thought perhaps she said something wrong... But then the three Weasley brothers cracked up laughing.   
Tonks laughed as well relieved. 

As Tonks and Charlie layed on the couch hours later, Tonks couldn't sleep.   
"Charlie..." she whispered  
"What?"   
"Do you think I am normal now?"   
"What do you mean?"   
"I used to be cool. A metamorphmagus... And I can't change anymore..."  
Charlie sighed "You will always be cool"   
Silence. Then,  
"Charlie..."  
"Yeah?"   
"Will I be able to get over Remus?" It was the first time she said his name without getting hurt.   
"I believe you can do anything"   
Tonks smiled eventhough Charlie couldn't see her because they were in the dark.   
"Charlie..."  
"What now Tonks? What?" Charlie asked annoyed.  
"Happy Birthday" Tonks said and before she could avoid it, tears ran down her face. Then she began sobbing.   
"Come here princess" Charlie dragged her closer and she cried on his shoulder. It was the bloody alcohol that got her that way. But she was happy to have such a good friend beside her.


	14. Chapter 14

25th December 1996

Tonks had talked with Charlie about her love issues before he left back to Rumania. He had tried to be comforting and distract her. And Tonks was grateful. She adored Charlie but he didn't understand what was like to be in love. 

Tonks spent Christmas with her parents. Although it wasn't like other years. Tonks knew that the full moon has been the night before. But that didn't matter. Remus was an asshole. He deserved to be alone. And he was with The Weasleys according to Charlie. But still, Tonks felt worried about him. He had been practically alone, surrounded by werewolves for the past three months.  
No. Wanker, he deserved it. 

Dinner was composed with concerned glances from Tonks parents. Tonks used to have her hair with festive colors, wear exentric clothes. But now she was wearing plain ones and her hair wasn't moving from that mousy brown tone. 

Tonks had tried to convince them she wasn't like this just for Remus. There were a lot of things going on in the Wizarding World. Stan Shunpike had been under the influence of the Imperious curse or something. Many people had died or had been attacked. She felt guilty about Sirius dying. And many other things. But she couldn't lie, mostly it was for Remus. Because she hated herself for loving him still, for worrying about him. And he wasn't to blame, she couldn't hate him. She just simply couldn't make him love her back. 

After dinner, Ted put on some records and forced her daughter to dance with him. Tonks smiled, she used to love dancing with Ted when she was little. 

She tried to enjoy herself. For her parents. She loved them very much. 

* * *

5th January 1997

That morning, Tonks was woken by shouting downstairs. It was Sunday. And Tonks wanted to rest, since she was supposed to go back to work, the next day. 

Tonks moaned getting out of bed. And she went downstairs to check what was going on. Her parents rarely fought. So this must be something serious. 

What Tonks saw on her parents living room, was Andromeda looking red and very angry. Ted trying to contain her and in the other side, looking miserable, sick and guilty was him. Remus Bloody Lupin. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked crossing her arms. "What is going on?" Tonks asked her parents. 

"I... I came to see you..." Remus said feeling stupid with himself "But you're mother is right. I... I don't deserve to see you..."  
"You ruined her Remus" Andromeda said pissed.  
"You're right..."   
"Maybe you should go, mate" Ted said feeling sorry for Remus.  
Remus sniffed and turned around to leave.  
"Wait..." Tonks let out "Why did you come to see me?"   
Remus turned to look at her. His eyes were glittery, puppy eyes. He had bags under his eyes, he looked older, skinnier and sicker.   
"Dora..." Andromeda warned.  
"I..." Remus began   
"Let's go to the back yard" Tonks said angrily and began walking.   
"Dora.."  
"Let her 'Dromeda" Ted suggested  
Tonks stopped to face her mother "If I want to talk to him is my decision" she said "Let's go Remus"   
Remus was confused and didn't want to intrude. But he followed Tonks outside. 

Tonks sat down in her favorite chair. Remus sat on the other, very very carefully. Like what he was doing was wrong. Tonks saw her pijama bottoms feeling silly. She must've looked horrible. 

"How were your Holidays?" Remus asked slowly  
"Fantastic" Tonks lied. She tried not to look at him.   
"I'm..." Remus sighed tiredly "I'm sorry I didn't write... I couldn't contact anyone. That would've given me away..."  
Tonks didn't answer.  
"I spent these couple of months with the werewolves. I don't know if you knew that..."  
Tonks didn't answer.  
Remus sighed again "Anyway I wanted to make sure you were okay so that I can come back..."   
"NOW YOU CARE ABOUT ME?" Tonks finally yelled. "HOW THOUGHTFUL OF YOU"   
"Dora..." Remus said  
"That's not my bloody name!" Tonks was tired. She needed to yell at him  
"Tonks... Of course I care about you. I always did"   
Tonks finally looked at him.   
"You do?" Tonks wanted to sound sarcastic but instead she sounded desperate.   
"Of course Dora... You're very important to me" Remus said shaking his head "I don't want you to feel down for me... I heard your patronus changed"   
Shit. How did he find about that?  
"Yeah it did" Tonks said embarrassed  
"What is it now?"   
"You bloody know what it is" Tonks answered  
Remus shook his head "Oh Dora..."  
"That's right, I love you that bloody much"   
Remus didn't answer.   
"If you wouldn't be so stubborn... I can take care of you. We can be happy together..."  
"I'm not enough for you" Remus whispered looking down.  
"Do you have feelings for me?" Tonks asked with tears on her eyes.  
"That doesn't matter..."  
"It does! Because if you do, that would be enough"   
"I can't give you the life you deserve, your mother is right. I'm pathetic"  
"Well I don't give a shit!" Tonks said angrily "And it's none of my mother's business"  
"She is right Dora..."  
"No..." Tonks was now crying.  
"I'm a bloody werewolf! You don't understand" Remus tried to explain "The way we live... The way we are seen... We are dangerous"  
"I don't care!" Tonks cried "I don't care about the life we have as long as it is with you. I am very stubborn Remus, I will fight for you"  
"You should! You should care, Dora!" Remus yelled by then he sighed stroking her cheek. He was crying as well.   
"You're beautiful and intelligent and young. I'm nothing!"   
'You're everything to me' Tonks wanted to say but she just kept crying.   
Remus sniffed "I've been living a dream with you, now it's time to go back to reality. I'm letting you go because I care for you. And you should do the same. You should let me go"  
Tonks cried even more.  
"We can be friends..."  
"No!"   
"And I will always care for you..."  
"Remus stop!"   
"I'm sorry Dora..."   
Remus kissed her forehead. He wanted to leave but Tonks stopped him clinging onto him and crying on his shoulder.   
Remus was trembling. He breathed out, patting her back.   
"I have to go" Remus said now without any particular emotion.  
"Remus..." Tonks pleaded. She didn't want him to go to the werewolves again. She didn't want him to get himself in danger.   
But Remus pulled away and smiled before apparating. Leaving Tonks brokenhearted and crying her heart out. 

* * *

The next three months were torture for Tonks. She didn't know anything about Remus. She knew she couldn't write. And Remus couldn't write to her. March arrived and Remus' 37th birthday came with it. But he couldn't celebrate. Tonks assumed werewolves didn't celebrate birthdays. 

She continued to patrol Hogsmade and Hogwarts when Dumbledore was not around. Her metamorphmagus abilities kind of improved. She saw one time on her mirror that her hair had a shade of pink. But when she tried to change it completely, she couldn't. 

Order Meetings bearly didn't occur. Most of them had died or given up. Snape hadn't shown up, nor Dumbledore. And mostly every question was layed on Moody's shoulder. He didn't have the patience to keep everyone at bay. He had been in a terrible mood lately. 

The Aurors had a lot of work with the attacks happening lately. Not only in the Wizarding World but the Muggle one as well. Everyone was getting really worried. Protocol questions were made everywhere, no one trusted anyone. And Tonks wasn't the exception. Right now Tonks only trusted on her parents. 

* * *

Dear Charlie,

How are things going on Rumania? Here is pretty shit. Everyone is terrified and nobody trusts no one. I don't blame them. I talked with Remus. He said he cared about me but we cannot be together because of what he is. I told him I don't give a shit. He didn't listen. He's with the werewolves now.  
My abilities had not come back. I'm really starting to miss my pink hair. Shit. 

Love,  
Tonks

* * *

Dear Tonksie,

We are pending on everything that is happening at Britain. But here is pretty calmed. I've been trying to convince some of my mates to help the Order. We've been sending ingredients for healing potions. And magic resources for the affected families. Nobody dares to speak You Know Who's name here as well. 

Sweetheart. Remember our project on werewolves at Hogwarts? They are considered beasts and with everything happening with that Greyback dude (he gives me the creeps), well I don't blame them. I know you're going to defend your werewolf sweetheart but just keep that in mind. Does this means he likes you but reckons you deserve better? Is that a good sign? 

Your abilities will come back. I haven't heard of any metamorphmagus that had lost them. Maybe you're just stressed with everything that has been going on. Just try to relax princess. 

Always yours,  
Charlie

* * *

Dear Charlie, 

I've been feeling better. I've been hanging out with your siblings a lot. The twins always make me laugh and give many of their products for free. Bill and Fleur are planning on having their wedding on summer. They are pretty cute. I don't know why your mother doesn't like Fleur. 

I know what werewolves are seen like. And I bloody know what Remus must be feeling. What he doesn't understand is that I don't care about that. And I don't want anyone better. I want him. He is the best. I could take care of him. I could make him happy and feel worth it. I had terrible fights with my mother for the same subject. I'm so bloody tired of people telling me what I deserve. It's not about that, it's about what I need. And I need Remus. 

Sorry babe, I know you can't relate. But please try to understand. 

Love,  
Tonks

* * * 

Dear Tonks,

I received Bill's and Fleur's wedding invitation! I'll see you on August, I guess. Mother will eventually like Fleur, how could she not? She is brilliant (I really don't fancy her, I promise).

I understand love. And honestly I don't care who you fancy, I just want you to be happy. But I guess you have to give him some time? I don't know. Just be bloody happy babe! 

Anyway, I'll see you soon.  
Charlie


	15. Chapter 15

Early April 1997

Mundungus Fletcher got arrested for stealing and claiming to be an Inferi. Everyone at the Order was furious with him. Specially Moody. 

"Bloody wanker!" he roared "I bloody told Dumbledore he shouldn't trust him"  
"Do you know where Dumbledore's been going?" Tonks asked. Really she had been liking patrolling, but she wanted to know why Dumbledore wasn't here with everything that has been happening.   
"I told I don't know" Moody answered angrily. Tonks looked down. Moody sighed relaxing.   
"Your pink hair hasn't returned" he said looking at her.  
"No" Tonks shook her head "I've been trying to change it but..."   
"Boomer..." Moody said "Just be careful Tonks. Hogsmade is not safe. Just be careful"   
Tonks smiled slightly.  
"I will" 

* * *

21st April 1997

Tonks had been drinking butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks, one a break. She was with Dawlish this time. And the man couldn't stop talking. Tonks wasn't even paying attention. Until she head a couple of witches entered.

"... they had a little boy. Poor thing. I'm afraid he's turn in one of them. Nasty creatures, werewolves..."

That made Tonks turn around. She left Dawlish speaking alone to confront the two witches. 

"There was a werewolf attack?" Tonks asked the lady. "Where?"   
"Burford... I don't know"   
"Where did you hear about it?" Tonks asked getting desperate.   
"I... I received a letter for my friend that lives there..."  
"And?"  
"Excuse me lady you're being rude..."   
"Sorry" she apologized "Can you tell me all you know?"   
"There was a family The Montgomerys" the witch continued "They were killed on the full moon and their son was alive when they found him, but unconscious. I guess he must be at St. Mungo's by now. People are speculating it was werewolves..."  
"Are the news on the Daily Phophet?"  
"Nah miss" said the other one "Aurors and the press delay to get there..."

Tonks heart was pounding. Was that the pack that Remus was with? Surely he couldn't hurt someone. But still werewolves didn't remember anything they did. What if he hurt those people and that little boy? No..no... Remus wasn't like that. If the Prophet didn't know. The Ministry didn't know. Who would know? 

And then it came to her mind. Dumbledore! Of course he would know. He was the one who sent Remus to the werewolves in the first place. Maybe he had been communicating with him. 

"Tonks?" Dawlish asked "What happened?"  
"I have to go!"  
"What? We were assigned to stay here..."  
"I have to go!"  
"Tonks..."  
But she didn't listen to him.   
And quickly Tonks ran to the castle.

* * *

Of course Dumbledore wasn't in the castle. Tonks cursed him for being away everytime someone needed him.   
"Is there a message you have for him, Miss Tonks?" McGonagall asked.   
Tonks head was spinning. She was so worried. But her ex professor could not help her.  
"No thank you Professor" she just wanted to get out of there before she cried.   
"Miss Tonks, is everything okay? You don't look fine"   
"I'm fine"  
"Why is your hair..."  
"I'm fine! I'm fine professor. Thank you"   
And Tonks ran out of there. 

As she walked through the halls, Tonks saw Harry kicking the wall and falling to the ground. At least he was okay. She asked if he knew something. Perhaps Dumbledore or The Order told him something. But Harry wasn't aware of anything. Shit. Harry said something else but she didn't listen. Tears were now on her face again. She was so stupid. Harry noticed she was crying, so she just excused herself and ran away from there. 

* * *

May 1997

The news didn't come out on The Daily Phophet until weeks later. The Montgomerys were a pureblood family in Burford. They had three kids. Two daughters who were at Hogwarts at the moment and that little five year old. The mother had refused to help death eaters so a werewolf killed her and her husband. The little boy died days later at St. Mungo's. Everyone, specially aurors suspected it was Greyback. Tonks agreed. He was the only one savage enough to do something like that. She cried for hours when she read the article. It wasn't fair that Greyback and his pack gave a bad reputation to other werewolves. To Remus. 

Still worried, Tonks asked Mad Eye one afternoon.

"It wasn't him, if that's what you're asking" Moody answered "His pack doesn't attack humans"  
"He's not part of a pack! And Remus is a human as well!" Tonks said angrily.  
Moody was annoyed "What matters is that it wasn't him!"  
Then he sighed "I'm worried Tonks..."  
"But I'm fine... My stupid hair doesn't want to change that's all"  
"I'm worried Tonks" Mad Eye repeated. 

* * *

30th June 1997

Tonks was with Bill that afternoon. The halls of Hogwarts seemed too empty and something worried Tonks. Dumbledore had left again and had instructed The Order to patrol the halls and grounds of the school, in case death eaters might try to infiltrate the castle. Tonks anxiety happened often lately. To distract herself, she was asking him details about the wedding. 

"I wanted to keep it small but mum insisted on having a big party" Bill said smiling "I know that having a wedding during a war seems impossible but..."  
"It's actually perfect timing" Tonks smiled "With everything that's happening, we need to be reminded that love exists"  
"I do love her Tonks. I love her so much" Bill smiled widely. Tonks was so happy for him.  
"I know what that's like..." Tonks sighed   
"Remus..."   
"Yeah... but..."   
"No" Bill said looking behind her "Remus! He is here!"

Tonks opened her eyes and turned around quickly. It was true. There was Remus, looking as miserable and tired as always. But handsome, always handsome in Tonks opinion. 

Remus smiled "Hi..."   
Tonks ran and jumped on him, hugging him.   
"Hi Dora..." Remus laughed.   
"Remus... What are you doing here?" Bill asked from behind. Tonks felt embarrassed and climbed off Remus.   
"Hello Bill" Remus said "I finally left the werewolves..." he sighed "After Greyback's attacks, I... I tried convincing the others to go against him..."  
"What?" Bill and Tonks asked at the same time.   
Remus shook his head "They didn't agree..." he said looking down "They said I was going against our own kind. And that nobody cared about 'little humans'" Remus seemed disgusted. "I couldn't stay there anymore... So I went to Moody and he told me I could patrol with you?"   
Remus finished smiling. It looked like he needed to sleep for months and eat a lot to gain some weight. Tonks was so glad he was okay though and here, with her. 

But for some reason, she started hitting him.   
"Wanker!"  
"Oi! Ouch! What?"  
"Bloody wanker" she hit again.   
"Well..." Bill said uncomfortably "I'll... I'll fetch some snacks from the kitchens" and he left.  
"Why are you hitting me?" Remus asked amused.  
"Because I was bloody worried for you! How can you volunteer to go with the werewolves, to dangerous missions? I thought something happened to you!"  
She hit him again and Remus laughed.  
"I did it for the Order, for the war!"  
"Wanker!" she hit him again. Remus was laughing.  
"I'd missed you Dora..." 

Tonks stopped for a while. She couldn't take it anymore. She kissed him. And it was bloody surprising, Remus eventually responded to the kiss. Tonks heart was jumping on her chest. How much had she missed him. And those soft lips of his. Tonks was dreaming, she surely was dreaming. But Remus pulled away.  
"Dora we can't..." he shook his head.  
"Remus..." Tonks sighed. 

"Eheemm..." Someone said interrupting the kiss. It was Mad Eye. Tonks immediately blushed. Remus backed away embarrassed.   
"Sorry to interrupt..." Mad Eye said annoyed. His magic eye rolling between the two   
"Sorry" Tonks said embarrassed.  
"They need us... NOW! Where is Bill?" Moody asked.   
"Mad Eye!" Bill came with pastries and sandwiches on his hands.   
"What happened?"  
"Death eaters" Mad Eye said "They managed to enter the castle"


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Includes events from the Battle of the Astronomy Tower from Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince.

Tonks promised herself that in this Battle, she would be fierce, helpful. She was not going to get distracted and let anyone die like the last time. Order members dispersed across the castle. Tonks didn't want to let go Remus' arm. But he let go. Running to fight along side Bill. 

Tonks was bloody scared. She was an auror and an Order Member. She should be fearless. But still she was scared. 

"Hello sweetie!"   
Tonks jumped hearing that voice. She looked around to see a blond wizard with and evil smile. Tonks identified him as Thorfinn Rowle from the wanting posters. She blasted a curse quickly hurting his arm. And Tonks ran. 

"Fuck!" Rowle roared in pain and followed Tonks. She got to were Remus, Bill and Kingsley, and everyone else were dueilling several death eaters. Tonks could see Ron and Neville were also there. Both were surprisingly good. She heard Rowle blasting a red jet of light but Tonks was fast and bended just in time. Tonks began dueilling with him. Rowle was angry and impatient making everything in his power to hit Tonks. He accidentally hit one of the death eaters instead, Gibbon. Luckily she was faster than him. 

'No destraction' Tonks thought avoiding staring towards Remus. And she concentrated in the fight.   
Tonks saw how Neville was hit by a curse. His leg bleeding. 

After what it felt like hours, Rowle desperate on his fight, hit something on the ceiling of the castle, making part of it fell off. Rowle roared running away. Tonks smiled to herself. What an idiot! 

Tonks quickly turned around to see the horrible imagine of a man who looked like a monster. His sharp teeth showing. Greyback.   
"Well, well, well..." he said laughing "What delicious thing we have here..."  
"LEAVE HER ALONE" Remus was behind him, pointing his wand with a fierce expression.   
"Lupin..." Greyback laughed "My little cub... Or should I say wolf now. Look at you, you look old"   
Remus didn't answer. His wand was still up.  
"Didn't I tell you? Our kind don't use those sticks. We have magical powers..."  
"SHUT UP!" Remus yelled.   
Greyback laughed. Tonks was feeling sick.   
"Oh Remus, Remus, Remus..." Greyback tutted "A beast pretending to be a man" then he looked at Tonks "Even mating with the human kind. Isn't she disgusted by you?"   
Remus looked very sad but did not lower his wand.   
"I'M NOT!" Tonks yelled without thinking "REMUS IS A GENTLEMAN"   
Greyback roared in laughter "Uuuh"   
With the back of her eye, Tonks saw Bill approaching behind Greyback, ready to hit.   
"Woow Lupin" Greyback continued "You do know how to tain a bitc..."   
"Aaaarggg!!!" Greyback let out a roar that didn't sound human. Bill had hit him with a curse. And before Remus or Tonks could stop it, Greyback waved his long and nasty nails on Bill's face.   
"NOOO!!" Tonks cried covering her mouth.   
The older Weasley fell to the floor. His face covered in blood.   
Remus immediately wanted to hurt Greyback. His face was red with anger. But Tonks stopped him. 

Tonks saw how the Malfoy kid ran down the stairs. Followed by others.  
Greyback licked his lips smelling Bill's blood before dissapearing. Tonks had to use all her force to hold Remus from going after him.  
"Remus!" Tonks said crying "We need to take Bill to The Hospital Wing!"   
Remus reacted hearing that and nodded. Remus leaned down to check on Bill.  
Tonks saw how Neville tried to go after the death eaters angrily but there was so kind of spell blocking it because he was drawned back.   
"Neville!" Tonks yelled  
Spells kept flying back and forward. Tonks was static as Remus checked on Bill. Ron came running and stopped when he saw his brother.  
"B-bill... No! Bill!" He said leaning towards him as well. The poor boy was crying.   
Then Tonks saw Snape coming down the stairs as well. What was he doing there? Remus tried to follow him but couldn't because of the barrier.   
After a while, the ones around gathered around Bill.   
"AAAH!" It was Professor McGonagall that saw Bill next. She covered her mouth. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MR. WEASLEY?"   
"Gr- gr- Greyb- ba-ack!" Tonks sobbed.   
"Take him to Madame Pomfrey!" McGonagall said adopting her calmed teacher position "I'll contact Molly and Arthur..."  
"Fl-fleur" Tonks said trembling "She's h-his fiancee"   
McGonagall nodded and disappeared down the corridor. 

It wasn't enough time until the curse blocking the stairs broke. Tonks and Lupin found themselves fighting again. Tonks was tired and she thought this would go until forever, until she heard Snape yelled "It's over!".

After all the death eaters were gone, Tonks let out a sob and began crying. Remus approached her, holding her between his arms.   
"Bill will be alright" he said steadily but Tonks could tell he was trembling "I promise Dora. He'll be alright" 

* * * 

Dumbledore had died. Dumbledore was dead. And Snape had killed him. Tonks was scared. If Dumbledore the greatest wizard of them all had died, then everyone could easily do so. And now without him, The Order and practically everyone at their side, was vulnerable. Snape had betrayed them. And they couldn't trust anyone now. That brought Tonks down. 

While they were at the Hospital Wing, Tonks was very tired but her mind didn't seem to stop thinking. Her mind was going through everything that had happened. At least nobody was dead, but Bill... 

Remus had promised Bill would not turn into a werewolf since it wasn't the full moon. But Bill would have wolfish traits. 

Everything that Greyback had said was on Tonks mind as well. How could he had made Remus believe such lies? He was worth of everything, of respect, appreciation, of love. Tonks didn't want Greyback's words to get into Remus' head. He was not like that monster. Remus was beautiful, kind, intelligent. 

Tonks saw how Fleur defended her love for Bill. No matter what happened to him. No matter the permanent scars we would have. Or the traits or consequences that the attack would bring. And Tonks immediately felt the same thing towards Remus. She needed to tell him. She needed to let him know that she loved him the same. 

Remus was still recluntant. He still claimed he was too poor, too old, too dangerous. Tonks had insisted that she didn't give a damn. And the others seemed to support her. Why couldn't Remus see it?  
After a while, they all dropped the subject but the idea was there. If they were going to die, Tonks didn't want to waist time. She wanted to be with Remus as much as she could. 

* * * 

4th July 1997

Dumbledore's funeral was expected to be on Friday. The next couple of days Tonks and Remus visited the Weasleys to check on Bill. He woke up to a big surprise, scars on his face. He joked about it of course but everyone who knew him, were aware that he was a bit down. Molly and Fleur had been a big support for him, both having a better relationship. Anyone that didn't know them would say there was bestest of friends. 

Remus felt guilty of course. He felt responsible for what happened to Bill. Both wizards had had alone conversations. Tonks knew they were getting close. 

That afternoon, Remus and Tonks left the Weasleys in a better mood. But still the environment was dull, everyone knew the war was getting worse without Dumbledore. 

"You should come for dinner" Tonks suggested. They hadn't had time to be alone. To talk about them. "My parents wouldn't mind"   
Remus seemed tired. Even sadder.   
"I don't want to bother..."  
"You wouldn't" Tonks answered quickly "Besides I'm not gonna let you starve. I know you don't have anything on your fridge" she smiled "And you look skinnier by day"  
Remus let out a chuckle. He sighed.  
"I don't think your parents like me very much"  
"They do!" Tonks said smiling "The truth is that they want me to be happy"   
"I don't know..."  
"Remus shut up!" Tonks laughed "I won't take a no for an answer"  
"Alright!" Remus responded "Pain in the ass..."   
Tonks hit him and Remus laughed. 

* * *

Andromeda and Ted were kind with Remus. Although from Andromeda's part there was still a trait of resentment. They mainly talked about the previous Battle and Dumbledore (what an impressive wizard and man he was). 

After dinner, Tonks helped her mother clean up. And the conversation Tonks was trying to avoid.  
"Dora... I know I've insisted a lot but ..."  
"Mum, please don't"   
Andromeda sighed "Why do you like him so much?"   
"Why not like him? He has everything to be liked, to be loved"   
"Now? After Dumbledore died? There's no time for love!"  
"This is the perfect time for that!" Tonks was getting impatient.   
"Dora..."  
"You're such a hypocrite mum..."  
"What?"   
"What about you and Dad? What about everything you gave up for him?"   
"It's not the same"  
"It is! It is the same" Tonks sighed "The society said you couldn't be with him for his blood status"  
Andromeda shook her head.  
"Why are you so against me and Remus?"   
"I..."   
"Is it because he is a werewolf?" Tonks snorted "You've talked how much you saw passed the prejudice by you judge Remus because of who he is!"  
Andromeda didn't answer, so Tonks continued.   
"I'm so tired mum! I'm so tired that everyone judge werewolves in such horrible way, that they don't get decent jobs, that people find them disgusting, that they had to fight to be accepted. And specially werewolves like Remus! He is such a gentleman. He cares about me. He is so bloody perfect and I don't care what he is. He wants me to have a good life but it's not a good one without him. And I simply love him mum! Just like you love my Dad. And I tried making my heart shut up. But it wouldn't listen. Please just let me be happy with him"   
Tonks finished out of breath. Andromeda was looking at her. Andromeda finally smiled and hugged her daughter.  
"Of course I want you to be happy, Dora. Me and your father" she said "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm so so sorry" 

* * * 

Tonks was more calmed after that, despite the circumstances. She accompanied Remus to his apartment. She insisted on making sure Remus was okay. He had been down with everything that happened with Bill. And his conversation with Greyback. 

"Is it true?" Remus asked as they entered.   
"What?" Tonks wasn't sure what he was talking about.  
"What you said to your mum"   
Tonks opened her eyes blushing like crazy.  
"You heard that?"   
Remus was smiling. Looking at Tonks in a strange way. That made her nervous.   
"Yes... I didn't mean to" he laughed   
"That was supposed to be private!" Tonks protested still blushing.  
Remus laughed. He was getting closer.  
"Well I... Of course..." Tonks tried to explain herself when bum... Remus kissed her. He bloody kissed her. 

The kiss was sweet and delicate. Tonks was dreaming and after too little, they were snogging fiercely. Now taking each other's clothes. 

They layed on Remus' couch and the moment was wonderful. Remus kissed her and touched her gently but at the same time like he needed to feel alive again. Tonks was in absolute heaven.


End file.
